Trust. Let me ask you, how many people do you truly trust? Do you limit that trust to your family or do you extend it to your network of friends? Do you ask that one earn your trust or do you give it to them freely until they prove your trust unworthy? We, as humans like to think that we are good people and because of that like to give the same assumption to those around us. But have you ever regretted giving your trust to someone?
I used to be an open book. I wore my heart on my sleeve so to speak. If someone needed me, I was there. And if I needed someone I did not hesitate to seek their help. I wanted to believe that, like me, those I chose to give my trust to, deserved that trust. It took one heartache after another before I gave this any thought. It wasn’t long before I felt I could trust no one.
I began to believe that if I did not rely on someone, if I did not open myself up to them, they could not hurt me. I did not want to be hurt again and so I built a wall. Many of do this I think, to protect ourselves. It’s human nature not to expose ourselves to unwarranted pain. It can be a very good thing to carefully select those you decide to let in. I took it to the extreme and closed myself off to everyone around me.
When Belle became a part of my life I saw it as an opportunity to unlock a part of me that I have kept hidden for so long, yet am able to still keep myself safe emotionally. I could release that passion I had for so long deprived myself of feeling. More importantly, I could allow myself to feel the touch of a man and let it warm me. It had been so long. But there were boundaries and I needed that. It is a game and with every game there is an objective and rules of play. Each round is different and the players may change but the rules and the objective remain the same.
But, as with any game you play some do not play by the rules. They cheat to get ahead. What are the consequences you are to give to those who cheat? Do you not let them play anymore and forfeit the game? I played this game and I gave a player my trust. He cheated, he broke the rules and now I am so upset with myself having let it get that far. He wanted to make his own rules and this is what I don’t get.
You open the game of Monopoly. You lay the board on the table, set up the players, designate the banker, read the rules, be sure everyone understands them and then you roll the dice. Now, you don’t make up the rules as you go along….that is why they come with rules. Belle is no different. Form day one to today; two years later, my rules have not changed. When you pass go, you collect two hundred dollars. If you roll a three, you move three spaces. If you land on “go to jail” you go to jail. These are rules. I am no different.
My rules. My rate is my rate. Don’t try to bargain with me, I am not for sale. See me once, see me one thousand times, my rate is my rate. One hour is one hour. I will stay for my hour; I want to stay for that hour. It is the agreement we have made and I will hold to my agreement. But one hour is not 1.5 hours. Please don’t make me point this out to you. My name is Belle. No matter how many times you ask me, it will always be Belle. I do not ask you where you work or where you live. It clearly states in the rules that asking such questions is inappropriate. Keep in mind we are playing by the same rules. And the biggest rule that seems to be misunderstood……you ARE paying for my time. This means that, no matter what takes place during the time we have agreed upon….my rate is my rate. Dressed or undressed, eating dinner or romantically entwined in one another’s arms….my time is my time. If you would get upset, upon my arrival that I demanded more money that what was agreed upon then you could imagine how I feel when you ask more of me that what we had agreed upon.
I had recently told a player I would no longer play the game with him, we forfeited and it ended just like that. The two years of play was fun but once he bent the rules I was done. It started with the name. I gave him my name. I trusted him with that information. I soon came to realize he had a connection to my family and used that to his advantage. In fact, he even tried to bribe me knowing that I would do almost anything to protect my family form what I choose to do as Belle. He began to demand unpaid time together even going so far as to show up at my place of work. I would not give. I refused to see him again. So, he did as he threatened to do and went to a family member.
I feared this day would happen. The day that Belle’s world would come head to head with my personal world. I don’t deserve pity, I asked for it. Why? Because I let my guard down and trusted someone. You cannot be betrayed if you do not give someone your trust. I had it coming and damn it did come. I won’t hide behind Belle and be ashamed. When approached by this family member I was honest and upfront. That was over one month ago, I am coming to terms with it now. It hurt, not that this player owed me anything as I owned him nothing either. But he made his own rules and cheated to get ahead. I have no use for those who cheat.
The silent rules that apply in this business, they are there to protect everyone. When you pay a lady for her time, respect what she is giving you and please don’t ask for anything more than that. It makes for awkward moments when she must reiterate the fact that “It is what it is”. No matter the fun you have together or the connection you may feel with her… it is still a game and there are rules. Play by them and the game will go on. Break them and….. well, you know the saying….a woman scorned……
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