With another holiday around the corner I found myself shopping for a Father’s Day gift from my kids for their dad. They are all excited, having spent the past week at school making their cute little cards for dad. You know the cards, the ones that say things like, “My dad’s favorite drink is beer and he is happiest when I am sleeping”. Those school cards that are most certain to embarrass any parent. They love Father’s Day and of course, it is routine that we go shopping for a gift for him. Walking around the stores, not sure what the kids had in mind, I found myself listening to other shoppers. Do you dads know just how many kids out there can’t stand their fathers? I could not believe how many times I heard someone say “I haven’t seen him in years, what the hell do I buy the SOB?” or something of the like. It is hard enough to buy something for that special someone, someone you actually like. Having to buy a gift just because the date on the calendar say you have to, is even harder. Then it hit me…..we need a store for this particular type of shopper!
Imagine this. You walk into the store and the greeter asks you who you hate today. You tell him it’s your mother-in law’s birthday and that your wife sent you out to pick up a gift. He directs you to Aisle 1, apparently MIL’s are the most hated to be given the first aisle. You decide to wander the store, its concept too inviting not to as there are a lot of people you don’t like but must still shop for. You pass the “cheating husbands” aisle, the “spoiled brats who have sucked the life right out of you” aisle and then you see it….the “drunken uncle you only see at family reunions” aisle, a quick reminder that your reunion is coming up. Wouldn’t your wife be so proud of you to have come home with not only what she asked you to pick up but what you knew she was going to ask you to pick up next week?
There is even a card station with a big sign above it, “For the people you love to hate, a card for every shitty occasion your spouse drags you to”. Let’s face it, no matter how much you try to hide it, when someone doesn’t like you, you know it. So instead of giving your boss a card that reads “congrats on your retirement” why not give him a card that says what you really want to say, “It took me 17 years to be able to say Fuck You, but it was worth the wait! So glad to see you go”. Yes, I think I am on to something here, the possibilities are endless! Only problem is….store policy would have to be that all sales are final. Could you imagine the hassles at the customer non-service desk? Mind you, a huge line up at the returns desk would be great for business!
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