Friday, June 30, 2006

I am "Da Man"!

I am DA MAN! That’s right! You heard me, I am da man! I was given the opportunity tonight to do a bit of role reversal. (Glad to see some actually read my blog and not just looked for naked pictures! ....yes an inside joke for those of you that visit GTERB.)

In a recent blog I wrote how sensual it is to be with a woman as I know just what she is feeling when I touch her and when I get to taste her. I shared that I just cannot experience that with a man. Tonight, I was da man! A special gift in a drawer waiting for her and I. Excited, I had to see it right away! It was my very own penis! Yes, I am now the proud owner of the most realistic penis a woman could own!

This penis isn’t just any penis, oh no… comes with straps! You got it, I have now replaced my long lost (and mourned for) pink friend for the Vac-u-lock harness system 2…not 1 but 2! (Hmmm, wonder what the difference between 1 and 2 is?). I know ladies, this may sound intimidating and I will find a friendlier name in time but really, this is a great sex toy!

Some of you may be aware of my experiences with a strap-on, just how much I had enjoyed being a part of that experience. What you may not have known was that I had always been the one receiving the pleasure and had never been the one to give. I learned tonight that the old adage is soooo true….it is better to give than to receive!

But the surprises don’t end there! Beside this box was a bright pink POCKET ROCKETT!! The beauty of this gift? I have experienced some of the most amazing orgasms with this toy! Placed just above my clit with slight pleasure and I am guaranteed to climax in just a few short minutes! It is wonderful to use during sex or all by myself. Small enough to fit in my back pocket it is the one toy I will be sure to never leave home without! Great for when you’re stuck in traffic, waiting in the checkout line at Walmart, even during those long boring work meetings! (And your bosses will be pleased to see just how much you enjoy their presentations!).

She lay there, a little nervous about what is to take place. I promise to be gentle then begin kissing her tight lips. She relaxes a little knowing that her pleasure is my pleasure. My tongue makes its way to her inner thigh. I hope to take my time here, as I usually do but I just can’t wait. I need to experience this! No passion this time, it’s all about giving her the most extreme pleasure and giving it to her NOW! Her hands grasping my hair, pulling my head into her harder I feel her swell in my mouth. Then I strap on my new toy. I know she is ready. I lube up, sweet and slick. I feel a need to look her in the eye. Looking back on this now I am not too sure why. It’s not really my penis, therefore I am not technically “making love” to her but I do feel that at that moment.

She raises her hips and returns my stare. We are locked here together. She is oh so wet and I know she will cum for me. After entering her I bend over her chest, kiss her now soft wet lips and suckle her nipples. Then, straightening my body upward I begin to give her a new part of me. Her hips pumping with my rhythm we have connected so well. Slow and gentle I ease in and out of her sweetness. It doesn’t last long though. She is begging for more, faster and harder. He watches at the side of the bed. I see him kiss her, he is truly enjoying his gift to me. I, in turn am showing him just how appreciative I am. I feel my pussy against hers, her wetness on my thigh. Her eyes closed tight, her moans now aching for a release as I am pressing for her to cum. And she does. No, I cannot feel her tightness around me, nor can I feel her pulsating. I feel so much more than that. I feel her legs quiver then slowly slide aside mine. I see her stomach go from a tight clenched muscle to relaxed and panting. Her eyes open and I know she is pleased. Her first words? “Lie down on that bed!” I say “Now would I be a lady to refuse such an order?” And she sweetly responds, “Oh no honey, you’re da man!”.

I kiss him and he returns my passion. While she suits up I ask him to feel me. He must know just how much I enjoyed that experience. I lay back and give her a playful smile. Here we go! She is in and I cannot believe just how real this feels. I turn on the pocket rocket and keep it pressed against my clit. What it was like to feel the fullness of a penis yet be staring up at the most beautiful breasts and long blonde flowing hair I cannot put into words. It was hot, it was wild, it was done. And all I can say is “WOW”!

But it wasn’t really done! We said our good-byes and I came home to sit at my computer and relive the erotic experience when my phone rings. It is now over 4 hours later and my new toy has made quite an impression. It is that lovely blonde, asking for my new toy and I. So off we go, my man and I to please (yet again) that sexy woman with the flowing blonde hair and a look in her eye that says it all!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Friendships come and go

I have a theory about the friends you meet in a lifetime. I can’t back this up with anything educational, biblical or factual. It is just a theory. I am not sure where or how I formed this line of thinking but it just seems I always have.

Think of all the friendships you have made in a lifetime. That 4 yr old next door neighbor that you played with a few years before his family moved away. The 8 yr old that you played soccer with every summer for five years. Your “best” friend from grades Kindergarten through eight. Your high school dating scene, the many that came and went. Your college buddies and their buddies. Then you have your neighbors you met when you first lived on your own, coworkers that you started having over for dinners or the big game. Just think of the many friendships that have come and gone, and the ones that are still around.

I believe that these people we meet and form bonds with are not just by chance. Ok, I know you’re thinking “Here goes a woman, about to ramble on about fate and destiny!” Just hear me out. Fate and destiny, I am not so sure but I do believe that these people were meant to be brought into our lives for a reason. Perhaps they are to help us through a difficult time in our lives, perhaps to share amazing memories with or just to make us laugh when all we want to do is cry.

As I look back on my past and present friendships I would wonder how or why things ended when as they did. I have realized that each and every one can be accounted for making a difference in my life, even if in a small way.

Eight years old and I have a best friend Dana. A little on the wild side but she was always good to me. We would dance to Bruce Springsteen (OMG am I ever showing my age here!) in her living room every time I spent the night. (Sorry but no great sexual stories to tell here, we were only 8!). We were very good friends for several years until my family moved from the west to Ontario. I was devastated. Both her and I were going through some very trying times and we relied on each other so much.

After coming to Ontario we stayed in touch but only for a few months. About 4 years after being here I receive a call from authorities out west. They need my help in remembering details of a situation my dear friend had confided in me about so many years before. It was help of my testimony that she was able to start a new life. Again though, we had lost touch. At 18, I truly needed her help. I was in a bad scene here. Drugs were a big part of my life then and I wanted to clean myself up. I flew out west and looked her up when I arrived. She took me in, helped me find a job and enroll in school. She was able to help me start a new life. I have not talked to her since moving back to Ontario just a few short months after.

Then there was Chantelle. I had met her in Grade 6, my first year of school in Ontario. We were best friends all through Jr. High. She was my first “female” experience. We were only kids but it was then that I first started toying with sexuality and discovering my interest for girls. Need I say more about how this friendship affected my life? I have not talked to her since grade 9.
Then there was a group of friends. Paula, Harley, Aaron. Dancers, druggies and all had kids. I babysat for each of them and was paid cocaine in return. It became a very severe habit from 16-18. I was in a lot of trouble and really messed up, trying to find myself I suppose. But through them I learned who I didn’t want to be. It was a tough battle to get off coke and I grew up a lot. At the time I thought we had a real great friendship, looking back I just see that it was meant to be. They needed to be in my life right then. It hurt to leave them when I did but their purpose in my life was served. I thank them for being there for me to teach me the lessons I needed to learn about life.

Then Dave. A very good friend for many years. I met him at 15, he 18 yrs my elder, I rented out his basement apartment. I was battling depression, he was battling Agoraphobia. He had not left his house in 23 years! We formed the closest bond I think I have ever had with someone. He listened to me cry all hours of the night, he held me, he taught me about love and passion. He understood me. No one had ever understood me before. He always, and I mean always made me feel good about myself, my life. I was getting into drugs and my life was crazy when I was away from the house but when together he really tried to help me get things straight.

I had overdosed one night. It wasn’t intentional but just an “I need to sleep for a very long time” thing, went to bed after taking many pills. He woke me up at 2 the next afternoon and I couldn’t hear anything, nor could I feel anything from my waist down. He called an ambulance. I returned home about 2 months later, in a wheel chair. He helped me get my shit together. Eight months of helping me with therapy, he got me walking again and able to start living a healthy life.

I moved out at 18, when I then flew out west to start my life over. We wrote back and forth the short time I was there and stayed good friends when I returned. He would always laugh at women and say “If I were a woman I’d be a millionaire!” He found it insulting for women to “give it away for free” and not charge a dime. He never did get to see me become an escort. He passed away in ’99. A mild heart attack at home but his fear of leaving his home was greater than his fear of dying. I’d say that I still need him in my life but no, I think his purpose was met. Although I do miss him terribly. He helped get me on my feet and he is the only one in my personal life that I knew would be very proud of me for what I do. I find peace in that.

(That last part gave me a good cry, I think I needed that!)

A lot of friendships had ended not so well. There was Mary who I was so close with but only for a very short time. Our kids played together, bbq’s every weekend, sleep overs, she was my bride’s maid when I married. Her husband passed away in ’99 as well and she went crazy. Drugs, drinking, men….all of the things she never did when he was alive. I took care of her 2 kids for a year while she got out of her system what she needed to. She woke up and got her shit together. One bad fight shortly thereafter and I have never talked to her since. I think I served my purpose there and was meant to move on.

I could go on and on but I think I have made my point. I always try to get the best out of every person I ever meet. Someone I pass on the street may need to feel my smile that day. Someone who sits next to me at the coffee shop may need a friend. You never know why someone is brought into your life when you meet them. Be approachable and friendly, you may need them someday!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

A woman's taste

A taste so sweet. I won’t describe it as fruit cause that’s just not what a wonderful woman tastes like. It’s not a peach or pear taste. Sure, it sounds very sweet and tantalizing to say that a woman tastes like such but it’s really so much better! It’s creamy, smooth in texture. It’s taste is not comparable to anything I have tasted before so it is very hard to describe. I can only say how it makes me feel when I sample a sweet tasting woman.

Being with a woman is much different than a man. I think it is because we share the same emotions. I know when I am pleasing her, just how that feels. I can’t experience that with a man. I know how it feels to have my clit gently caressed with a warm wet tongue. I know how it feels to taste another woman. I know as a woman how it feels to have hair flowing onto my stomach and across my thighs. So, when pleasing a woman I find the experience even more erotic as I know just what she is experiencing.

I like to take time to admire her beauty. I love to slide my hands over her body feeling her curves. This is not about hard, tight and young. This is about a woman. Her nakedness and vulnerability. It is about showing her that I appreciate her soft skin. The imperfections to a man’s eye are uniqueness to mine. I love the feel of her hip and the curve into her stomach. I love to feel the arch of her back, having my lips follow my hands to the rounded curve of her bum. Another turn on for me is her shoulders. I love to sweep her hair away from her back letting it flow over her shoulder. When I kiss her neck I can feel her quiver, it is such a weakness for women.

When I have taken my time to explore her body with my hands and lips I work my way to her thighs and like to work up from there. When a gentleman is sharing this experience with us I like to kiss him softly before I taste her. I love to have him watch, to see just how wonderful this experience is for me. I want him to kiss her as I know a woman needs plenty of stimulation. I will watch them kiss, hopefully slow and passionate. Then I taste. I know I am so very wet at this point as this is what I have been thinking about while exploring her body.

Every woman has a unique shape, scent and taste. I taste her lips and get very excited if she is secreting her wetness already. It is then that I know if she has enjoyed my adventure so far. If she has, I don’t wait any longer to take her clit in my mouth. I purse my soft lips around her. My eyes closed, I can feel her pleasure. I imagine just what she is feeling. Her hips begin to sway from side to side. Her legs begin a slight tremble. My tongue moves faster, I know she needs to feel my need to taste her. I want her to cum, I need her to cum. To please a woman is very satisfying for me. I love to hear her soft moans, another sign of true pleasure.

I can’t describe the actual moment without taking away the essence. There are no words made for that. Besides, it’s not something that you can appreciate when it’s in text form. Sure, I can write some great words that will be captivating and will certainly turn you on. But the reality is that what I am trying to express is something you have to feel, be a part of and deeply connect with. I hope that every woman at some point is able to let go just once and experience the great tastes of another woman. Sure, a sexual affair with a man is erotic, but on a different plane all together! Sorry guys but this is just something you can’t compete with!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Balance Pt 2

Entry for June 20, 2006

Balance, Part 2

Balance. Ok, so now I have figured out how to balance life as a whole. But how do you create balance within yourself? No other outside influences now, just balancing the things you must do in a day or a week. Do you start with 1/3 kids, add 2/8ths housework and 3/16ths real job, blend together with a spoon, toss in about 1/100ths of personal hygene and 3/4ths side job. Let it sit for an hour and there you have it…the perfect life? If life were so simple! Many of your enquiring minds want to know how I balance all that I do, so here it is. A little crazy at time but this is how I do it.

First I use a computer program Palm Pilot. It is meant to be used with a handheld but I do not have one of those. In all honesty, this program is a life saver! It is my schedule and it never lets me screw up! So I sit at the computer on my day off and write in all the personal things that need to be taken care of. Doctor appointments, school meets, soccer games, work meetings all get scheduled first. Then it’s on to my emails.

First I look through all of my emails forwarded from my website and respond. As appointments are made I enter them into my palm pilot. I always add a side note, never personal info but things like if the time is a definite or wait to confirm etc. I delete any emails (after responding) that require no further attention or any details that I no longer need. Then I check my hotmail emails and follow the same ritual. Then it’s onto
NERBS and GTERB Here I check my pm’s, respond and note any scheduling changes or new appts in my palm pilot.
Now I read through the posts added to the board since my last visit. Some I reply to, others I just chuckle at and carry on. Then it’s time to check phone messages and update my own voice message. I seldom answer my phone as my personal life just doesn’t permit it as much as I’d like to. I do return my messages though and while looking at my palm pilot announce my schedule for the week. This part has good and bad to it. Most of my appointmentsts are prebooked so there are times that I am unable to take any appointments for several days at a time. This I know frustrates many gents. If only there were 36 hours in a day! But I do update my voice mail every day so that if someone is trying to schedule an appointment they know what I have available. Then I update my schedule on my website based on my palm pilot schedule.

It doesn’t end there though. Now I either go to a gym and sit in the sauna with a good book or go for a long walk. Appointments are to be kept, wherever they may fall throughout the day. Then it’s home and housework, some gardening and getting dinner ready. Then again I check emails, pm’s and the boards. I check my phone several times throughout the day. Then soccer, homework and a shower. Again, appointments to be kept. Some down time before work so I check all messages once again and off to work I go! I get home about 6am and start it all over again.

It sounds hectic but again, it comes down to balance. I prioritize my day and work with it. I try not to stress the small stuff. I do what makes me happy and I know my limits. I limit the amount of appointments that I make and be sure to schedule days off just for me. If anything, that has been the hardest lesson to learn. Life is just too short to not make the best of it. I don’t want to waste it worrying about what others think of me. It is me that has to live with me, why let myself down to appease someone else? Perhaps that was me a year ago but not anymore.

Balance Pt 1

Entry for June 20, 2006

Balance, Part 1

Balance. Everything needs the right amount of balance to function as it was meant to be. Our universe is based on the principle of balance. Ecologists struggle with balance in the ecosystem every day. Human-induced ecological change such as rainfall in the country influenced by fossil fuel combustion affects the proper balance essential to our ecosystem. Where influences affect the balance and the scales are tipped ecologists are forced to recreate that balance.

Similarly is our atmosphere. Here we have greenhouse gasses which help to heat our planet, without them we would be as cold as Mars. The problem our planet faces is that we do not have the right balance of these gasses. The presence of too many greenhouse gasses and the temperature of our planet will spin out of control as we are beginning to see happen.

Our lives are no different. We need balance to be complete, to function as happy souls. When that balance is tampered with our lives are disrupted but maintaining this balance is not easy. The fundamentals of our lives…family, friends and selves can battle for importance and when we allow one to win thus we have created an imbalance. It is my experience (certainly not an educated statement but just a personal point of view) that we put our selves at the bottom of the list.

I have spent the greater part of my life (the last 10 months aside) suffering from unbalance. Sure, the doctor’s termed it “Chemical Imbalance” but as I am starting to focus on my life I realize that it was all just “unbalance”. I put too much emphasis on my family and my friends, trying to live up to their expectations. I tried so hard to be the everything that I thought they wanted me to be. My decisions in life I made for them. I dressed the way I was expected to dress, talked the way I was expected to talk and took on all the responsibilities of every title with a smile. We all have titles, being an escort for me is just one of many. I am a mother, daughter, friend, sister, aunt, coworker….it goes on and on.

But I am also me. There it is again, that title that seems to get lost in the everyday chaos of life. The self should be the centre, the core that keeps the balance! Why are we so quick to dismiss our own needs, wants and desires? Is it society that has pressured us to put others before ourselves? Even saying it that way does not sound right. Put me before others? It took this business for me to see that that is where my imbalance lies. If I am not happy, and I mean totally content with who I am, how could I possibly find that balance?

So now, yes….it’s all about me! I don’t mean that in a selfish way but I try my best to live my life doing things that make me feel good. In turn I find that the rest just seems to fall into place. I no longer “fight” to keep that balance because the scales are in my favor. I know the core, the centre force. If I feed that force, it remains healthy and keeps that balance. After years of thinking that Prozac was the answer and there it was all along, just great sex!

No, I'm not perfect!

Entry for June 19, 2006

Irresponsibility. I truly despise that word but even more when I have to connect myself with it. If I have one fault (ok, I have many but will only admit to this one) it is that I am very hard on myself. It is funny as I expect very little of everyone else but only the best from me would do.

I have little time for irresponsible people. It is hard to accept fault in yourself but I think very commendable for one to accept responsibility for their actions. No, I am not looking for a pat on the back here but I will admit to my own shortcomings.

This is where being an Independent, a successful one anyways, is much more difficult that working for an agency. You must have discipline and respect that you are now running your own business. You cannot blame lateness on the agency driver running late, you cannot blame a missed appointment on the agency double booking. The onus is on you to keep your business affairs (pun intended!) in order. So, to once again knock myself off of that pedestal I like to think I am on I will admit to my screw ups!

It was my first week of Independence. I had a 3hr booking for Sunday evening. I worked my day job and finished by about 2pm. I checked my messages, looking for a confirmation for my 6pm appt. Nothing. I went home, ate dinner and dressed for the evening. I sat around until 8pm waiting to hear from this gent. All the while I am thinking that if a lady doesn’t show up, he will call right? No call, no nothing. Now feeling terrible I wondered if I had done something wrong. Did I miss the email, the call? Turns out that for some reason my messages for that day were not forwarded to my phone until the following day.

I of course was very apologetic but I know the frustration would not be erased by a simple “I’m sorry”. But understanding he was and did rebook for another time. Then about a month ago I had a time and a place! I knew the hotel in advance and just had to wait for a room number. 10 mins before the appointment I arrive at the hotel and await his call.

Again, no call! I wonder just why, when I do not show up that he doesn’t call to see where I am. I went home ½ hr later and pm’d him my apologies. Apparently when he had left his message he had left the room number but it was cut off from the message. As to why he didn’t call me---He just felt that perhaps for some reason I had decided against seeing him! Very sweet that he would have thought of me but if I were him I would have lost it!

And finally, just a few days ago I book a last minute appt at 9 am for 11 am. I rush to shower and get ready, quite excited to see him. I know that his schedule does not allow for prebooking an appointment so this has worked out great. He says he will call when he has a room. I am ready and head out to my new van. Ok, not new, but new for me. I just picked it up 2 weeks ago but had to send it back for a few repairs the day after I bought it. Anyways, it was just dropped off in my driveway the night before so I was excited to finally get to drive it. Only problem is it won’t start! I try everything but to no avail. I run into the house and begin to make phone calls. I think I have a ride on the way but the driver is in Welland, at least ½ hr from getting to me. The gent calls and I explain the situation and that I will be there asap. Long story short, due to a family thigk I had to attend time ran out and I was unable to make the appointment. Talk about irresponsibility. Again, he was very understanding that these things happen and are sometimes beyond our control but even still, it is not me and certainly not a positive way of doing business.

Now I have gents cancel quite often and it is never an issue. But when it’s me I feel terrible. It’s bad enough that when flu hits, or colds etc that cancellations have to be made but to leave someone in a room waiting for me and me not show up, I truly do get upset. I know it happens and such is life, but that is just not good enough for me.

So there it is, the irresponsible Belle. Not only do I wake up with bed head but I am human. I know it sounds like a silly statement to make, of course I am human. But sometimes I feel that some people out there forget this fact. They see us ladies when we have prepared ourselves to be seen. I prefer to be seen as a human being. I am far from perfect although that only gives me something to strive for!

Your questions answered

Entry for June 19, 2006

Ok, questions from my readers! I will do my best to answer them today!
First, "How has your view of men changed in the past year?" I did touch on this an entry or 2 ago but I will explain in a little more detail here. Men are pigs. That is how I truly viewed them 10 months ago. Not to say that some are not, but I now have a better understanding of them today. Truthfully, I see very little difference (aside from physically) between the men I have seen and myself.
They want to feel needed, sexy, wanted. It's not about them touching you, they also want to be touched. They can be very passionate, even romantic! Some men have brought candles, chocolates, plants and flowers. They have hearts and they feel just as women do. I am surprised that while it is my "duty" to take interest in them, they take interst in me without feeling the need to. I know they expect that from me (no, I do not consider it a duty but I do know it is expected) but for them to take interest in my health, my life....that truly does amaze me. Very few men in my life have ever cared what I thought or complimented me the way these men have. Because of them my life has changed. These men are strangers and yet they take the time to make me smile. That is a wonderful gift so if anything, I appreciate them for what they give to me. Next, " Is it true that Canadians are not only the better hockey players? Tallman wants to know!"
What they say about the different nationalities and their direct correlation with NOT true! Rednecks are wonderful lovers, who would have thought! *wink*wink. I think when it comes to sex, the best experiences are the ones that can where both can allow themselves to feel the moment, to appreciate the beauty in what you are experiencing. If you can give into the passion and take it to the highest level, to make love like it's your first and last time, it doesn't matter where you're from, it's going to be an amazing experience!
3) Why won't you consider outcalls in a pick-up? Tallman and Malfi want to know!
Just for you two, I'll make an exception. But it has to have a bench seat, those bucket things do not enhance the mood!
And the final question, "Hockey.... Come on girl, why hockey?"
Hey, I am a Canadian! Hockey is just like sex! It's a rush, 2 teams fighting for the shot on goal. So many close calls, you fight to keep the momentum. Give up a goal and the moment ends too quickly. 3 periods is the perfect amount of time. Lots of time for foreplay but not long enough to lose interest. It's all about strategy, timing, setting up your plays. The more players the better, just watch you don't get caught with too many men on the ice! (Of course you could never have too many women!)


Entry for June 18, 2006

Fantasies. We all have them. Some may be a little too prudish to admit to them, but yes we all have them, even us “good girls”! So here’s mine. Fantasy or reality? You decide!

A wonderful hour spent with a true gentleman. He is so soft and gentle with me, always sure to please me before he allows me to return the favor. Our first orgasm met, still 2 hours to enjoy each other’s company. I know he loves surprises so this one I planned just for him. Ok, I lied…this time it’s ALL about me!

A knock on the door. It startles him a little but I did imply that this meet would far surpass any other. Naked, both he and I, I walk to the door, a slight jump to my step! The honored guest has arrived. Looking as sexy as ever there was only one problem….one of us 3 was way over dressed. I wanted to jump right in for the action as Belle tends to get a little over excited at the best of times but felt the need to, at the very least, introduce one to the other.

I can feel the awkwardness in the room. I have felt this before but Belle is usually quick to ease such a situation. Of course, the events that were about to take place would be a first for all of us, and given the nature of those involved I knew this would take a little more “Belle Magic” than usual. A drink. Alcohol will be sure to loosen up any anxieties. I pour a drink for each of us and begin by taking the lead.

First it is important to lay the ground rules. The guest of honor makes a speech about what is about to take place, to be clear we are all on the same page. And on with the fun! I know both very well and just what gets them going. I know that kissing is the key here. Not to mention a few oral skills I have to share. There is something so very erotic about knowing that a sexual experience, while enjoyed by all, has me as the main focus. To know that both of them are here for the intention of totally pleasing me, to make my fantasy a reality.

An oral delight I am giving as I feel the small of my back being kissed with soft wet lips. It is these small things that tend to leave me breathless, yearning for that experience for weeks after. The feel of his hair as it gently wisps across my stomach. The look in his eyes! I always try to remember just how he looks at me. Not when we first meet but when we are in the midst of a passionate moment. My legs begin to tremble in anticipation. I turn my attention to those soft lips, feeling the need to have them pressed against mine. There is another turn on for me. The tongue, wet and playful with mine. I love to taste the kiss, this part is so overlooked! Can you describe how a kiss tastes? Most cannot but to me it has a very distinctive taste.

How he kisses tells a story. It tells me how excited he is to be having his way with me. It tells me how bad he wants me. If he touches my face, my neck and my hair as he kisses me I know he has let go of everything and it is only he and I, or in this case the 3 of us! 3 bodies, completely bare and the temperature begins to rise. The awkwardness is gone now and I take notice of how the breathing patterns have changed. Small moans, mostly from me but I do notice the panting and realize we are ready to engage in that fantasy.

How do you know when first trying a sexual position, just how to get it right? All I can say here is pornographic movies were a big help in just how we were to do this. Sure you can envision it a certain way in your mind when you’re imagining these fantasies, but the reality is that size and shape truly make a difference in the position!

I get on all fours on the bed. I can feel my wetness oozing between my thighs. He slides himself underneath me, his legs on the floor and his back resting on the bed. I have him straddled and I look into his eyes. He is well prepared for this moment, wanting it almost as badly as I. The other in our party makes their way to the end of the bed. I sit up to allow his arms to wrap around my chest. I lean back and rest my head on his chest as he fondles my breasts. As I grind my hips I turn to kiss him one last time before we begin our journey. I feel those fingers working their way around my behind, caressing my thighs and spreading my wetness. I slide myself onto the very erect penis below me. The erotica that takes place from here I will leave to your imaginations. I can tell you that it was so hot that I demanded a rematch! 2 hours later, lifeless, completely drained and oh so sweetly wet I lay with a cigarette and the biggest smile on my lips. I can only say that my wildest dreams have now become my wildest reality. Who says that fantasies should remain just that? I will never forget this experience and am so glad to have had such wonderful company! A repeat? Oh yes!!! Again, and again and……..

Thanks to both of you for giving to me the way you did and always do!

Sex toys

Entry for June 15, 2006

The world of sex toys! It all sounds so exciting. They move by themselves in the most awkward motions. They light up, some even have sounds! Big, small and everything in between. Yellow, purple, green, red and black…a color to suit every mood. But why?

Sure, this sounds like a crazy question, I suppose it is the prude in me. But is a yellow one better than the purple? Does the dolphin’s fin really tickle like it says it does? I don’t know about you but when I’m real horny the last thing I want is to be tickled! And the beads……..that is supposed to be arousing? I’d be afraid that that tiny piece of skin that is soooo sensitive (I believe it is called a clit!) would get caught up between those beads and be mangled! Now most women are shaved nowadays and thank God! Could you imagine getting those hairs caught in there!!!!

Then you have the ant eater. I have seen this ever-so-popular one at house parties. Sure he’s cute to look at and everyone giggles but I am really not into beastiality! The thought of a plastic ant eater’s tongue vibrating on my clit does not turn me on! Ok, maybe I ‘m just a little on the boring side but c’mon, we were made the way we were to fit together. A man and a woman. 2 Women, even two men….not a woman and a plastic animal! I don’t remember reading that one in the Bible! (But then again maybe that’s why there were to be 2 of every animal on the ark, one to go forth and multiply and the other to be made a plastic clone for the twisted minds of the 20th century!)

Then you have the anal toys. The beads are the most popular, then the plugs. What could possibly be so pleasing about these things? And how did they get discovered? I could just see it. A man and a woman in an adventurous mood. Willing to try anything they start looking through the night stand to see what they can try. “Hey honey, here’s my beaded necklace I wore to the Johnson’s party last night, let’s wrap it around a pencil and tape it, then you can work it slowly………” You get my point!

Now I will be the first to say that I have tried some interesting things (and no I won’t elaborate on that!). And some have been quite fun. The strap on. Now this is the coolest toy I have found and one of two toys that I will use. It is great for woman to use with a woman. It is more of an emotional thing for me though than it is a physical thing. To feel a woman’s soft lips pressed against mine and at the same time have her making love to me is a true turn on! Although I do not have one, I have used one several times and it is at the top of my “Toys I must have” list.

Next would be the Rocket. It sounds like this huge monsterous thing that might hurt just a little but in reality it fits in the palm of your hand but packs a powerful punch! I am not one for using vibrators internally. I am too sensitive to enjoy that sensation, for me it is all about clitoral stimulation. This toy, my friends, is just that! I have never reached an orgasm quicker than using the Rocket, not even masturbation gets me there as quick! And trust me, I know my body VERY well!

I suppose we each have different desires, one man’s dream is another’s fantasy. But for me, I like the real thing. Give it to me in any shape, any size and any colour. Just give it to me!

What am I worth?

Entry for June 15, 2006

Just what am I worth? Do you ever wonder that? If I were to say $500/hr most would choke. If I say $100/hr most would say I’m giving myself away. If I go by looks, comparing myself to most active ladies in the area I wouldn’t be able to survive on that rate! If I go by my reviews compared to others perhaps I could retire at 35. If I go by service or menu I think I would live comfortable for quite some time. But just how do you decide?

It may seem to some that I live on the wild side. For any woman to be in this business she would have to, no? I tend to take the “safe” route when dealing with these issues. When I first went Independent my very first thought was….”What am I going to charge”? If it is too high then guys will rant and rave that I have become too big for this business. Too low and then it’s that I am in desperate need of cash and will take anything. The safe route……..keep my rates the same as they would be if they were to see me through the agency!

I think price goes hand in hand with respect. Sounds crazy but here is what I mean. If I charge $100/hr and most indy’s charge $160/hr then to me it would seem as though I do not respect myself enough to ask what the “going rate” would be. Without sounding stereotypical I find that by charging market rates my clientele is also much more mature and respectful. And by the same standard, if I request $500/hr it would appear that I have let the wonderful reviews go straight to my head and deserve to have my bubble burst!

I have seen quite frequently where ladies offer specials. Duo specials, weekly specials, monthly specials and I have often contemplated doing the same. This is why I do not. First of all, even prior to my website my business has been very steady. Why would I then lower my rates and increase the business that I already have a hard time keeping up with? Now when I say that I am not saying that I am busy with business from 9am-2am every night. For those that know me I have a family to raise and a full time job. This requires that I schedule my appointments around my personal commitments. I am very content with the amount of business that I receive and thus the income that is derived from that.

So, when my previous agency raises their rates, so shall I. It to me is the safest way to handle such a sensitive issue. I had considered keeping my rates a little lower than the agency thinking this would be a good business strategy on my part. I figured, if an agency’s rates are $160/hr and the lady only receives $100 of that then that is what I should charge, $100. What I didn’t think about is that while I do not have an agency to advertise for me, I now have to cover my own. No, I do not have a yellow pages ad but I do have a cell phone bill. That plus my vehicle maintenance and gas, time spent with emails/calls, clothing, nails and hair and blah, blah, blah. It does all add up!

Of course there will always be some that will not be happy paying so much for such little time. I do wish that I could make everyone happy. But at the same time I respect myself. I have worked very hard since coming into this business to make a good name for myself. No money is not what it is about, for me. But at the same time I have to show that I respect myself. I try to show class in how I present myself and be true to who I am. I do not pretend to be something I am not nor do I allow the money to dictate the type of service I provide. I think once you start negotiating your rates for different clients you just create some very awkward moments. This is me and this is my rate. I hope to see ya so we can share a great fun time together. That’s it, that’s all and to me, that’s how it should be!

So, as I had posted in my first announcement about becoming an Independent, my rates will remain the same as the agency. Now, if they have a special, so will I. If they go up so will I, and if they go down, so will I. Hmmm, that sounds fun! So, $170/hr it is. Am I worth it? Not too sure but I can honestly say that the gentlemen I see respect me and treat me very well and they have continued to see me through leaving an agency and my rate increase. I am very happy with that!

Society and Sex

Entry for June 10, 2006

The “outsider’s” view on the adult entertainment industry is quite negative, but just why is that? Dirty, disgusting, rank, filthy, unlawful and just plain sick. We’ve all heard it, we all know what they think. We all go to great lengths to protect our identity from them. Our actions discreet and our lies abundant. But why do we feel that need to hide what we do when, if attacked publicly we are so quick to defend?

We laugh at the politicians that try to condemn us. We ridicule the ones that are so closed minded they themselves cannot see the beauty in what we do. But yet we do not share our interests with our neighbors, nor our closest friends. Now I am not referring to those that are married and have much to lose by their participation, but just speaking in general terms. Why is society as a whole unable to accept the concept of sharing sex and what a beautiful thing that is to share?

I will not pretend to be one of a particular faith, nor do I intend to delve into the depths of a religious argument by any means but most if not all faiths are against this type of activity. It had been my understanding that even in the earliest days, group sex or swapping of your mates was considered a “neighborly” social event. Sex was to be admired, appreciated perhaps even so well liked it was worshipped. Just where did things go wrong?

I find it hard to believe that we were created so beautiful and sensual to not enjoy our bodies, to not be expected to touch each other, ravish one another and be intertwined in human flesh. We are the only animal in the kingdom that seeks sexual involvement for pure gratification. Don’t you think it was meant to be that way? We were wired that way so why shouldn’t it be? So why do most feel that sex is to be only shared between a man and his wife? How has it become that sex is viewed as something dirty when, in my opinion there could be nothing more pure!

Some say that woman’s rights and the whole movement of women and their equality in this world has thus made a stand for women in the sex trade. That we are abused, demoralized and that the men using our services are contributing to the degradation of women. Unfortunately, even in this day and age there are women forced to work the streets, forced to live a life of prostitution. I am not here to appear ignorant that these things do not go on but I can only speak of my experiences in this business. These men are your doctors, your bosses and your neighbors. They run companies like Microsoft and GM, they are your relatives and your husbands. They are wonderful people looking for wonderful experiences. The women, they are professionals too. They are bosses, they are soccer moms, PTA members. They have other jobs, they may not. They have morals, intelligence and it just so happens……..they really like sex!

In my time in this business I likely will not see the day that I will be comfortable enough to flaunt what I do, to tell my neighbors and my friends just what a wonderful experience this has been for me. But it does not make me any less proud of what I do. I can only thank the men for treating me as well as they have, for giving to me as I give to them. No matter what society may think, this for me, will always be about just that…

A woman scorned

Entry for June 08, 2006

Not even Belle can be Belle all of the time.

So now you’ve read about the best of the best in this business. Being an escort has been for me, a very positive part of my life. It has helped to bring me to a place within myself that I find peace in who I am…..until today.

Today I had a glimpse of the “down” side of this business. You would think that for an escort if the “up” side is a great and passionate experience then the “down” side would be a distant, less than desirable meet. But even those “not so great” meets for me, are a lesson to be learned. A chance to better understand someone or to better learn something of myself. So all in all it’s not a down side for me. I know that the experience I provide to the gentlemen I see only lasts an hour or two. But what it does for them emotionally, spiritually lasts much longer. I love knowing what I am able to do for them. But today I got to see just what it does to them when their SO discovers her husband’s encounter with Belle.

An email from a very distraught SO. “…….you are a lost girl, please get help before you die of AIDS and ruin anymore lives”. I won’t go into anymore detail as I am sure you can all just imagine where this goes. I think this is the first, and hopefully the last time I ever get emotionally involved. I read this and my heart sank. How is it that during heat and passion I am able to disconnect myself but when something like this happens I feel the hurt?

I always praise myself for doing good. I truly believe I am a good person and I feel so good about myself when I do good for others. But what do you do when you hurt someone? How do you let yourself be okay with knowing that while you are doing good for some that you run the extreme risk of hurting others? Is it wrong to even feel bad when that hurt you have imposed wasn’t intentional? It is so easy to say that I am not to blame, that these men decide for themselves to see an escort. And while that is true I just can’t help but to feel responsible. I can’t help but to hurt, for him and for her. I know that she has read his reviews about our experiences together. How that must have felt for her! It’s one thing to discover your husband has had an affair, but to read about just how much he liked it!!!

Perhaps this points to somewhere deep down inside of me. My views on marriage, my thoughts on men and relationships. Maybe, just maybe this is part of why I do what I do. I just don’t want to be her. I don’t ever want to feel her pain, her anger. If I don’t let myself feel that love, I won’t have to feel that pain. It seems so simple to me. Here, doing as I do I get to feel that yearning, that way you feel when you know that someone wants you, they feel a need to be near you, to be with you. I need to feel that. Just as I need to feel that passion for a man. The closeness, the nakedness. I know I need that in my life. But a relationship? A meaningful one that requires emotion and brick walls being torn down? This email today just reinforces what I am not prepared to feel. Now to figure out just how to deal with my newest emotion, guilt.

Is bigger really better? Pt 2

Entry for June 03, 2006

Is Bigger Really Better? Part 2

So now we get to the good stuff! Is a bigger penis really better? It seems that men are more obsessed with this issue than women are! Yes, it’s true! I can honestly say that men talk more of their penis size and how they “measure up” than women even think about it!

There is a plus to every size, to every shape. There can also be a minus. What is key here is the woman’s body. Some shapes and sizes just don’t fit well in certain sexual positions, but that’s what makes the variety so wonderful!

Every woman has a very different internal shape, just as a man’s penis shape varies. They main thing here is to find what works for the two of you. A larger penis can be very uncomfortable for a woman especially when lying on her back. For some though this position may be quite comfortable. With a larger size I prefer the “Doggie” position or laying on my side in a “spoon” position. Some women may disagree though and find other positions more arousing.

I like experimenting with positions, finding just what works! It is great with repeat clients because you are given that chance to find the perfect position that stimulates you both each and every time! Not to say that changing positions and being adventurous with your encounter is out of the question, just to say that you both get to know one another so well and you know what works. This help to create a “familiar” sense to the time you spend together and that to me makes the encounter even more erotic!

Sometimes the width or “girth” can be just as arousing as the length, or just as length it can be a case of “playing” around with different positions to see what works. I am asked quite often by gents which size/shape I prefer. Funny when they ask that as I had never really thought of it. A great sexual experience never comes down to “He was big, he was small” etc. It’s certainly not the penis that gets me where I want to go, so to speak!

I like how they use it more that what its’ measurements are! I like to be teased with his penis, to feel him pulsating for me. I love to feel his need more than his size. It is more the “emotional” than the physical for me. (Note I use the term emotional very tactfully!) By saying that I mean I let myself go, let myself get caught up in the moment and everything I am feeling right then and there. That for me is erotic, a man’s body against a woman’s. Doesn’t really matter what the two look like but how well they connect with the other. It’s the sight of a man and a woman together, the vision of their bodies intertwined in passion that makes it HOT! Thick or thin, big or small……bring them on, I like them all!

Is bigger really better? Pt 1

Entry for June 03, 2006

Is Bigger Really Better? Part 1

Ok, now I know this debate will go on forever but I’d just like to express my personal thought on the issue. Part 1 is a turn of the tables so to speak. Bigger breasts or smaller breasts? I am sure you are familiar with the expression, “More than a mouthful is a waste”, but is it?

When I was toying with the idea of becoming an escort my main concern was my breast size. Just why would a man choose to see me when there are an abundance of women in this business with much more to play with? So, I asked for feedback from the hobbyists themselves. I posted on the review boards about my concern, “Is there really room for someone in this business with very small breasts”?

The responses I received were quite surprising. Apparently men were not as superficial as I had thought them to be. My first lesson of many I have learned about men since entering into this business. Most were very supportive of my small breasts and were much more interested in the way I would carry myself and my attitude toward my work.

It has been my experience in the past 9 months of escorting that this generalization holds true. Most men that I have had the pleasure of seeing seem to be content, some even more aroused by my smallness. Who knew that all of the humiliation through school about my “funnel” shaped breasts would work to my advantage in my more mature years! I have nipples, plenty nipple and very sensitive ones too! That is where the fun is at! They are so sensitive that it takes a little foreplay and arousal to fully enjoy them being tantalized.

It’s not to say that men don’t love big breasts, there are plenty of them out there too! And there are many that choose not to see me because of my breast size. But those gents tend to be the more superficial ones I find. They are more interested in experiencing sex, the glitz and the glamour, the more pornish side of a sexual experience. And there is nothing wrong with that at all, it is just not the experience I provide nor care to provide. I like the soft and the sensual, the true appreciation for flesh touching flesh. I never embellish my breast size and when seeing someone for the first time will be sure to make them aware of my size to be sure I do not disappoint in this category.

Is that because I am self conscious of my breasts? Absolutely not! I love my breasts and am very confident with them, or lack of them! But hey, it’s not to say that I don’t appreciate a woman with big beautiful breasts! I still love to play with them, fondle them in my hands and kiss them. I get very aroused by a woman with nice breasts as it’s always nice to play with anothers’ toys especially when you don’t have them at home!


Entry for May 29, 2006

Newbies. You now what I’m talking about. They’re the real shy ones that sit on the end of the bed and fidget with the sheets, their feet shuffling, their heads down. They’re horny as hell but have no idea how to handle the situation. They wait for you to initiate the conversation and only seem to know how to say “Yes” or “No” like they are being interrogated at a crime scene.

These are the fun ones! You can feel them out right away, this is where knowing people and how to read them comes into play! I like to play shy at first too, let them get a little warmed up to what is going on. A little chit chat about the weather and then it’s on to the task at hand! I usually point out their shyness, just to make it more awkward for them. I move slightly forward, put a hand on their leg and start my journey. It is very quick that I meet his lips with mine. This tends to loosen them up fairly quickly. I know it will be my job to lead the way, and I like having that control. I spend much more time focusing on the kiss here. It is imperative that it is passionate, soft and not intimidating. I sometimes have to take their hands in mine and guide them to my body. I touch his face, run my hand down the back of his neck and across his shoulders.

When I work my way down to his chest I know just what he is waiting for. I like to tease, to not give in until I know it has become a need, not a want. I stop here. I may ask him to undress me, slowly, with passion and longing. First my shirt, they always start with the shirt! How disappointing I must be for some! But I believe in saving the best for last. Standing in front of him I guide my nipple to his wet lips. I like to watch him play, taunting me with his tongue. A kiss follows. This time a little harder, faster, wetter. I remove his shirt to feel our skin touch. His heat, my heat. He relaxes some and will usually not be too shy to go for the button on my pants. If he moves too fast I will ask him to slow down. This is a moment to be caught up in, not race past.

He kisses my belly, I can feel his hair whisp across my nipples. I step out of my pants, leaving them at the foot of the bed. It is my turn. I gently place my hands on his chest and while kissing him I lean him onto the bed, his feet resting on the floor. His eyes are closed, the shyness still in him. I undo his belt, his zipper. My tongue caressing his stomach. I work his pants to his ankles and leave them next to mine. I slowly slither above him, my knees on the bed, straddling him and lower myself onto him. I am wet and I finally feel his need for me. I slide up then down, side to side sharing my wetness with his thighs, The kiss that says it all. It’s hard and fast, panting, grinding

. We move to a more comfortable position in the bed and I grab the cover. It is seldom I need a lubrication as the passion I get to experience creates such a natural flow. I take him in my mouth. The first-timers need a lot of talent here. You don’t want to disappoint them by having them come too soon. Slow and soft I tease his inner thighs. The shaft gets my attention. He is hard, so hard it looks like it hurts. I know he wants to release the pressure but I will make him wait just a little longer. I run my fingers up and down his legs and across his stomach. This experience is all for him but I get so much out of it. There is no personal gratification like pleasing a man! Finally I decide to end his suffering. First the head. My lips wrapped around and my tongue teasing I begin and finish with the same furiousness. I love to watch a man come, to see his face as he releases. I pay close attention to how his breathing changes, the subtle grunts he makes. A truly erotic experience for me!


Entry for May 25, 2006

The “connection”. What is meant when one is to say, “We just didn’t connect”? I do believe chemistry plays a small role here but I think the problem with connection lies more with one’s ability to let go of the outside world.

Let’s face it, life has just become too overwhelming. Sure we can all say we are driven by sex, we have the urge for it, the desire, the need. But do we have the passion? In this business especially you have more stresses on that “connection” than when engaged in an “normal” sexual encounter. You have the fact that first, it is likely the two of you have never met before, then the time constraint and the pressure to perform within it. Things are not able to flow naturally so you must “force” that connection to happen within a structured environment. So just how do you do this and make it an absolutely amazing sexual experience? It’s all about passion!

You have to close your eyes and let yourself feel the moment! Block out the meeting you have to be at in 2 hours and focus on the soft touch of a hand caressing the nape of your neck. Feel the wetness left behind by the soft kisses as those lips work their way down your chest. Feel your heart beat a little faster, the anticipation almost too much to bear. Feel the heat created when your bodies press together. Notice now that your breathing becomes heavy. For me, I know that I have “let go” when my legs begin to tremble. I can then feel my wetness, the warmth it brings with it. I love to look into a man’s eyes. There is no need to say anything now. I can see his desire, I can feel his need for me now. I have something he wants but I will make him wait. I yearn to have him touch me, to feel my inner warmth, to taste me. When it is time for him to enter me I want him to take his time.

I ask him to tease me. To slide his penis up and down my clit. This is a huge turn on for me. I know he is aching to enter me, for me to take him in. I love to watch him press against me, spreading my wetness around my clit and down my thighs. It is then, after teasing and much foreplay that I allow him in. But again, very slow. I love to feel his head rim my opening, feeling my lips separate. I can feel how swollen I am and as he enters, if he takes his time, I can feel how tight am inside, the muscles contracting around him giving me nothing but pure pleasure.

I need to know that he is enjoying what we are experiencing. When I hear his breathing no longer structured but heavy, his grunts of wanting to hold back his cum I ask him how that feels. I like to hear him tell me that he wants me and that he can barely hold back any longer. Then I ask him to give his all to me, to show me how much pleasure I give him. I want him to cum for me. I will surely cum with him when I feel him get there too! I beg him to give himself to me, to press harder and faster until he lets go. And then I feel his pulses. He lets out a moan, a look in his eyes that only such a great release can give, he has finally let go too. That my friends, is passion!

Agency vs. Independent

Entry for May 19, 2006

Agency vs. Independent. It seems like this isn’t so much a decision that an escort makes but the natural course of the business. First you decide that this is the path you want to take. The next step? You call an agency. You work for that agency for some amount of time then (assuming you have the means) you become an independent. For some that may be a little more difficult or time consuming than expected and they return to an agency but for the most part that is the course of business.

It wasn’t really a tough decision for me although an intimidating one. With an agency you have the bookings and the driving taken care of for you. I didn’t realize just how much “weeding out” there was to be done. But I like having that control. While the agencies may weed out a few drunken characters they don’t deny/accept calls based on an escorts’ preferences. When I say that I mean there are just certain personalities that I prefer not to spend time with.

To them, almost everything is “normal” in this business. They are used to the strange requests and assume that to be in this business all ladies are willing to do what the others do. My agency was the best in the area to work with and I did a lot of research before deciding just which agency to work for. I wish to say that even still I would choose them over any agency in the area, the problem was not with them at all but just agencies as a whole.

Most owners have not worked in this business so I think that they do not have the understanding to know just what it’s like to stand at a door and place yourself in what may be an unsafe situation. Perhaps they become desensitized by the business as doctors do. I like being able to decide whom I will see. I can talk with them, read their posts on the review boards and get a feel for the type of experience they are looking for. I am always honest with them and will say if I feel that they may not enjoy our time together because their idea of a fun experience is not the same as mine.

I like knowing who I am seeing and when. With an agency you book on at a certain time and you have to be dressed and ready, waiting for a call to come in. You have to stop your personal life in order to take a call. To me, that is more like a “job”. As an independent I can go about my life as normal. I know when my prebooks are and when a call comes in I can set it up to take place within the hour to have time to be ready.

Because I have always spent a fair amount of time posting on the boards, chatting and booking my own appointments it only made sense to go independent as I was already taking care of my own advertising in a big way. While the agencies have a website and a yellow pages ad, the one on one advertising, to me, is so much more effective. Yes, a website is a great tool for an agency but I think more effective for an Independent to have her own. It’s fairly inexpensive and advertises you and not 30 others like you! You can be specific about your personality, preferences, rates, schedule etc. It is all about what works best for you.

It is nice not to have to deal with a third party. I no longer have to work my days/weeks around checking in with an agency to see what they have planned for me. With a busy life and an outside job, this was very difficult for me. But with this also comes a greater sense of responsibility. The independent route isn’t for everyone. You must be held accountable for any mix-ups when booking appointments. If you are shorted money for an appt. it is up to you to collect. If you must end an appt early for safety reasons, you are alone to deal with it. Thankfully I have a reliable driver that eliminates any problems here as I do not drive myself to my appointments but many independents do.

Being an independent is also very time consuming. Emails, voice mails and pm’s take up a lot of time. This is where you have to keep the business fun and learn quickly the ones to weed out. There are several gents I have never seen before and likely never will but I chat with them most every day. I enjoy their conversations, their advice and their support. When I say weed out, I mean the ones that just want sexy pics of you for no purpose other than to get off while sitting at their computer. I won’t go into detail as I have in other blog entries but just to say that this isn’t just “sex” for me. It’s an erotic encounter that goes so much deeper than just sexual gratification. Anything but that experience is something I try to weed out when booking an appointment. Not something an agency would do.

All in all there are pros and cons to an escort using an agency or going independent. Unfortunately for independents though agencies provide a certain security for the gents. If the appt goes bad or if the escort does a dine and dash, the agency is accountable and will likely reimburse a gent. This is where reviews, reputation and trust come in to play. A mature and honest escort who truly loves what she does can only do well in this business, with an agency or as an independent!

How to live life

Entry for May 18, 2006

I know the title directs the writing towards women but I think this world would be a wonderful place if we all lived our lives this way!
(As a side note, this is not my writing but an email I had recieved from a good friend. The author is unknown so I am unable to give credit where credit is due).

Every Woman Deserves The Best!

A woman will get only what she seeks

Choose your goals carefully

Know what you like .....And what you do not like

Be critical about what you can do well .....And what you cannot do well

Choose a career or lifestyle that interests you ...And work hard to make it a success

But also have fun in what you do

Be honest with people and help them if you can.....But don't depend on anyone to make life easy or happy for you (only you can do that for yourself)

Be strong and decisive...But remain sensitive

Understand who you are...And what you want in life before sharing your life with someone

When you are ready to enter a relationship make sure that the person is worthy of everything you are physically and mentally

Strive to achieve all that you want ...Find happiness in everything you do

Love with your entire being ...Love with an uninhibited soul

Make a triumph of every aspect of your life.

Very inspiring to me! I think in a nut shell it means let's all just love one another and enjoy great sex with one another till we die! Count me in!!!

The money

Entry for May 17, 2006

Money. It’s a funny thing isn’t it? I know it can’t buy happiness but it sure does make things easier. I get asked all the time about the money this business brings so I am going to talk about it here. I truly find it awkward to discuss the money factor but will never deny that it has enabled me to do so much more that I would not have been able to do without this business.

I am going to be very honest here, and for those of you that know me…..that is the only way for me. I have lived on the streets, then on welfare in an apartment in the “not so nice” end of town. Then I went to university for 2 years. I found myself a good paying job and have now bought my second home. I have worked very hard to get where I am. So I can honestly say I appreciate the true value of money.

I do not see this business as my key to money but my key to freedom. The money has allowed for me to do the extras that I could not afford before. I can go to the gym now and spend some time away, just me……I have never done that before. I can take the kids places we could never go before, I can pay my bills on time…..hell I even pay them before they come in now! I can load the basement freezer with groceries instead of waiting for pay day. My very first purchase I made my first week with an agency was a new washer and dryer. I have never walked into a store and bought an appliance brand new! Sure….most would say “But it’s just a washer and dryer” but to me it was so much more than that. It was new, not out of the “for sale” section of the newspaper or a hand me down. It had a warranty! I’ve never bought anything before that came with a warranty!

Then it was a new bed. Not just any bed but a king size mattress, box spring and frame! Also a first time purchase. Then it was dressers and clothes (ok, I am still a woman you know!) There is always a place to spend it between new wiring for my home and now the outdoor work. A fence going up, gardens that I can’t wait to plant and a new barbecue. Maybe even a deck to put the barbecue on! Yes, the money is a great bonus to this business but it’s the freedom that makes my life a little less stressful.

Yet, I know that these are all extras. I have my job and that is my security. I know that my bills will always be paid with or without this business. I like knowing that I do not rely on this business to survive. I am very fortunate this way so that it has not become a “job” for me. If and when it ever seems like work, that is when I get out. I do what I do because it makes me feel good….about life, about myself. The money……’s nice but it really isn’t everything.

A life of secrecy

Entry for May 15, 2006

A life of secrecy. Not an easy one to live! I am sure all of you that participate in this hobby can relate to me here. Just how do you explain to friends and family when you phone rings at 11pm and you get dressed up like you’re heading for a night out on the town? For some it may not be out of character, for me, it’s like night and day.

It’s funny how Belle and her counterpart can be so much different yet so much alike. It would be best to say that they way they live their lives are very different but their inner personalities are one of the same. I have always been a very private person. I have many acquaintances but few friends. By choice though! I am friendly with coworkers and neighbors but I seldom let anyone “in”. I suppose this works to my advantage in this business. But I have always been too predictable.

It is seldom that I entertain company. I have always been a home-body. My time is passed with quiet evenings at home with family. Movies and reading, sitting by the fire watching a good hockey game…that is my idea of a great night. Quiet and simple is my life. Then there is Belle.

So when you start leaving the house several times a day usually in a different outfit each time just how do you explain that? You can only spill coffee on yourself so many times, you can only have so many friends to visit and you can only have so many stories to tell. I am lucky that my neighbors, who tend to be of a much older generation and are likely very nosy but they don’t ask questions. I know what is on their minds, what they must be thinking and that is awkward in itself. And when family stops by because they were in the neighborhood as you are dressed in a cute low cut black number with heels at 2 in the afternoon, how do you say you’re heading out with a friend for lunch and make it a believable story, especially when your usual attire is jeans and an oversized tee?

Most that have noticed this recent change in me are quite happy for me. They seem to appreciate this new found confidence in myself. To see that I dress with a sense of sexiness that I have never displayed before. To see that I smile with a new sense of playfulness seems to please them. Little do they know it’s the secret life I am living that I owe the new me to!

What is "Sexy"?

Entry for May 13, 2006

Sexy. Such a vague word and it's meaning varies widely depending on the one defining it. It is a look? A way about someone? A body style? It took many years for me to consider myself "sexy" but what an amazing difference it is to wake every day being able to not just say that I am sexy but to feel sexy.
I came across a very great "thought" about sexiness when reading Belle De Jour. The author writes, "Sexiness is the result of being pulled together and comfortable in your skin. Holding your stomach in when your clothes are off is not fuckable. Slapping your ample behind and inviting him to ride the wobble is."
Acceptance is the key to sexiness, to me. If you can accept who you are, be comfortable with all that you stand for and confident in the woman you have become....that makes you sexy! It's not the models on the front of Cosmopolitan. Nor the high maintenance women seen on Cover Girl commercials. Sure they can be arousing and very pleasing to the eye but I wouldn't call them sexy. They're untouchable and there is nothing sexy about that!
Sexy is 2 strangers standing naked before one another within seconds of meeting, passionately kissing and exploring eachother with their hands. Intense, hot and wild they bring eachother to climax simultaneously. A little bit of chemistry, a true appreciation for the opposite sex and a sense of adventure....that's sexy!
I have met some beautiful women whose attitude or personality turns me off. So I don't believe looks alone can make you sexy. Society has unfortunately allowed girls as young as 8 to feel that to be sexy, attractive, acceptable you must look like a model. That is the life they want to live. They see these women with handsome men on beautiful beaches and they believe that is what matters in life...if you have looks you have everything.
Looks will only take you so far in life. They may help you get that grade in college you were looking for, or that job you applied for but don't really have the qualifications for and even get you that guy that other girls wouldn't have a chance at. But get out of college and realize the president of the company you dream to work for is a hard ass confident sexy woman, and the job that you got beacause of your looks doesn't hold up because even though the guy in HR thought you were real hot you find yourself doing business with men that expect you to know what you are doing (and I don't mean under the sheets). Oh...and that real hot guy you got? I truly hope he's gay just to prove my point!!!

Just who am I?

Entry for May 11, 2006

Just who am I? Do you ever ponder such a thought? Now it sounds like a deep question but I mean it literally! When I am at home, I have a role, When I am at my “real” job, I have a role and when I am visiting with a client I have a role. Just what happens when you get those roles mixed up? Here is my story of forgetting who I am…

So there I sit, my very first time at a strip club all quiet and shy...... Ok, let me start again. There I sit at a strip club, the scene a little familiar with members of my family and church congregation…. Ok, to be totally honest with you, I’m laying on the stage at my favorite strip club with an American bill in my mouth! My favorite dancer “Obsession” is teasing the hell out of me, my pants around my ankles and my bra above my head. Many are gathered around to share in my excitement, some familiar faces, others I have just met. Music blaring, lights flashing, nakedness everywhere! This is Belle having the time of her life. She is being offered drink after drink and then she discovers the shooter girl.

What great sweets this lady brings around. It’s kool-aid stuff with cool names like “sex on the beach”, “passion fruit” and “melon”. There are soooo many and she has to try each one….at least twice! The night carries on. More gents to greet, more ladies to taste. The kisses and the touching, it is by far the most erotic evening. But like any other great time it must come to an end. The strip club closes and Belle must go home. But not to bed, there is no time to sleep! Now, somehow while “slightly”*wink*wink* intoxicated she must transform into her “real job” role and go into work! A bath! That will help sober up and get rid of Belle, right?

So there I sit, in the break room amongst coworkers and management, my hands cupped around my Timmy’s. A night of partying with no sleep only a short time before and Belle refuses to go away! Now keep in mind I am now in a place where I am responsible, conservative, some may even consider me to be a prude that know me here. And then I wake up after hearing Belle blurt out “Her name is Obsession and she was so hot! There I was on stage with all my clothes off kissing this woman!” OMG, what did she…..I just say? Belle left right then and there and I was left to defend my conservative reputation. I am not too sure what else Belle had to say prior to that comment but apparently it was pretty juicy stuff cause my coworkers have all taken a new interest in me. I get winks and nods when I walk by the guys, I hear the whispers of the prissy women (who have undoubtedly at some point in their lives thought of touching another woman but don’t have the confidence in themselves to admit it) and a few have even shared with me their “I knew you had a wild side!” affirmations.

Having multiple personalities for me is much worse than schitzophrenia, atleast schitzophrenics aren't aware of each of their personalities! I have learned that when alcohol is involved there must be atleast 6 hours sleep given to allow for Belle to settle for the night. She is wild and crazy when she wants to be and my simple life just isn’t quite ready to be rocked by her world!

My thoughts on reviews

Entry for May 10, 2006

Reviews. Just the word seems intimidating. You hear it in the movie world all of the time. It is the “make you or break you” of this business. Or is it? I remember reading my very first review. Now picture this. I am sitting at my computer, just finishing my first few days of escorting with my agency. Although my very first call hadn’t gone so well aside from that the gents that I had seen seemed to have a good time. But still I wondered if I measured up to what they were used to.

I am nervous as I read the newest title under Niagara’s reviews….there it is, my name. My heart skips a beat or two as I wonder just what this gent had to say. What if he had a terrible time and wants everyone to hear of it so they steer clear? What if he goes into such terrible details of what a poor lover I am? I never thought what it would be like to be publicly reviewed about your intimate encounters….to be rated, scored, summed up.

So I click on the post, my hands trembling just a little. I have spent quite some time on these web based review boards so I know just how important they can be to a woman’s business. I scan quickly for key words, adjectives, before I actually read what he wrote. Attractive, confident, friendly, great kisser, Niagara has a new star! Whew! I survived my first review.

Then I read in more detail just what was being said and I felt something I hadn’t expected to feel. It was a great review and this gent seemed to have had an excellent time. He was pleased with me and that should have been a great feeling. But then I realized that now my most personal, intimate moments were posted on a website for everyone to read! Just try to imagine that…your lover comparing you to all others in every category possible. First you have the kiss….does she or doesn’t she? Tongue or no tongue? Then there is oral and positions and conversation and body ….the list goes on and on. Everything about me being sized up in one small paragraph. It took some time to get used to this “system” before I could actually relax and be appreciative of the positive reviews.

Now it is fun to read my reviews. I still panic just a little when I see my name in a title but I am more confident now. Not every call can be a great one. Sometimes things just don’t click and everyone’s personal preferences vary. Although I have been lucky to not have had a terrible review as of yet, I know too that one review does not make or break you. It is the consistency that tells all of what type of person I am and the experience one can expect. They are a personal expression of a particular experience and not all experiences can be wonderful and passionate. I am just thankful that I have been lucky enough to truly enjoy what I do which in return allows my clients to enjoy our time together.

So now when I am asked if it is okay to have a meet reviewed I say "Bring it on"! Just keep them what they are meant to be....honest, imformative and fun to read!

Why "Escorting"?

Entry for May 08, 2006

The question that seems to be on a lot of minds……Why do you decide to become an escort? It is obviously not something you grow up hoping to become. I have heard all of the assumptions out there. Drugs. Poor upbringing. Financial distress. Just plain messed up life. Well I hope to be able to break the chain of thought by saying that for me it was as logical of a decision as it would be to decide to wear a tee-shirt in the summer.

There comes a point in ones life that you analyze just where you stand in the grand scheme of things. Am I where I thought I would be five years ago? Have I reached any goals I set out to reach? Do I make a difference in this world? And most importantly… Am I happy? We all have a need in our lives to feel wanted by the opposite sex. To be complimented and yearned for. To be noticed for our ability to put a smile on another.

I know what this business comes down to, what the bottom line is. But inside of all of that is something so much more for me. I know that for some widowed gentlemen I have become what my title intends me to be, a companion. Someone to talk to, to take notice of their existence. Someone to share their thoughts with. For some divorced men I have become a stepping stone. And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. They have lost their future but are not quite ready to plan for a new one. But they need that link between the two. For some married men I have become their zest, their breath of fresh air. I am able to let them feel young again, revived and sexually energized.

For the single gents I have become their sense of adventure. I have helped them to explore the unknown, to be more aware of a womans’ body…her senses and her pleasures. And for everyone else in between….it’s all about having a good time. So in answer to all of my own deep questions, yes….I have become all that I thought I would be and most importantly, I am happy doing it!

What it takes

Entry for May 07, 2006

I think to be successful in this business you need to be built like a rock. Now this can be taken many ways but I am not referring to a nice tight body that takes 3 hours a day 5 days a week at the gym to keep up. Trust me, I’d have been out as quick as I came in if that were the case! I mean interpersonally. This business has the ability to lead you away from all that you stand for if you let it. But just what should a woman be willing to sell to get the business?

You have to have morals coming in, a line that you will not cross. Sounds easy but it’s just not that cut and dry if you truly take pleasure in pleasing others. I myself had decided before my first call with an agency that I would not take part in role play. That to me would take away from the experience I was looking for. I do not get aroused by the thought of being a secretary and seducing my boss in his office. Nor do I care to play the dirty nurse who heals all wounds with her analgesic tongue. It’s just not my thing

. Now would my views on that change for an extra $100.00? Absolutely not! That is my line. The same goes for BBBJTC/CIM, facials or nasty name calling. I just find those things degrading. I am not being offered compensation to be treated in such a way. Now it is not to say that some of the above has never happened as there are times that it just does, but to be asked that directly as a request is a turn off for me and I will always decline. And I am not knocking the woman that do offer those services. All I am saying is that I would never go out of my comfort zone for the sake of a buck.

Pictures is another example. Many people ask why I do not display nude photos of myself. One thing I must say is that I am uncomfortable when having my pictures taken fully clothed as it is. But aside from that, again it comes down to class. The more dirty the pictures, the more dirty my clientele expects me to be. I show class in how I advertise my business and I get respect from my clients. I show enough for you to get a good idea of the lady you will see at the door and I think that is what the purpose for pictures are. My time is for sale, my morals are not!

A woman's touch

Entry for May 06, 2006

Just what is it about a woman that turns a man on so much? Is it because you are just wired to naturally be attracted to the opposite sex? If so then I must have been lost in the lineup when wiring was handed out! Perhaps I stood in both lines the day the wiring was handed out! Not too sure what it is but damn, a woman who is sexually confident is such a turn on for me.

Now not every woman falls into that category of course! First she has to have a sweet scent. A natural one, not that spray on stuff. Her lips must be full and rounded just so. Boobies are very important to me, only because I don’t have any of my own to play with. But the chemistry I feel with a woman I am attracted to is a totally different feeling than what I experience with a man. Maybe it’s due to my extreme need to please and although very confident with a man’s needs, a woman’s desire is much harder to please.

I love the touch from another woman, her hands so so soft. A woman seems to better understand my pleasures. She knows just how sensitive my clit can be….when to apply pressure and when to pull away. She knows that my nipples are to be suckled gently as opposed to being nibbled. She knows that when I become quiet but my breathing becomes laboured that I am almost there. Men just don’t seem to get those things.

Maybe they just watch too many movies. Yes, I do scream if you really want me to….but that’s not real for me. I moan, sometimes even grunt when I am enjoying myself, but never scream. And then there is that sensation of a clit pressed against my own, both of our body juices blending together. I love to watch a woman tasting me. I see why this is so great for a man.

I love to talk to her, telling her just how good she makes me feel. Women love to hear this! I think I cum the hardest when it is a woman that takes me there. It’s nothing against a mans ability it’s just that with a man I feel it is my job the please, not be pleased. I seem to let go much easier with a woman. I enjoy having a man watch as we pleasure eachother. This is very erotic for me as I know just how much he wants to join.

He wants a part of that passion we are sharing. There are times I make them just sit there, and when he attempts to take part I gently push him away. He may act disappointed but I know he likes the show! A duo is a must for any that have yet to experience one. They say a fantasy should remain just that because it is the thought of the fantasy being unattainable that is so erotic. I say, “HELL NO!”


Entry for May 05, 2006

Wow! Many great comments so please keep them coming! One point raised many times over is the fact that I am tainting “The illusion”. Perhaps that is so, as I know you’d like to believe that us ladies go to bed and wake up looking just so. Boy, how do I wish that were the case! But at the risk of taking myself off of the pedestal some have put me on I would much rather you see me as a person and not an idol. I don’t mean for that to sound conceited in any way but just for you to know that I am not immune to life.

This is where the GFE comes in. I am quite often asked what my ultimate fantasy is. Truthfully it may not sound so daring to any of you but so erotic to me but here it is.

I like to walk in a room and be taken off my feet. Gently kissed, the passion mounting. To be laid upon the bed, the sheets already drawn. To be touched, caressed and feel your hunger for what we are about to experience. Like we have been in love for 10 years but separated from one another and now are given the chance to make up for lost time. The clothes being unbuttoned slowly and falling to the floor.

There we lay, bare in all sense of the word. We kiss for quite some time, our tongues exploring one anothers’ body. You lay there so still as I slide my body over yours and our eyes meet. There is total silence in the room yet so much is being said. I move softly down your chest stopping to taste the small beads of sweat forming out of anticipation. I know what you want but I will make you wait and watch as I work around you, playfully teasing you with my tongue. Our gaze still unbroken I embrace you between my lips.

You feel the warmth wrap around you, it’s almost unbearable! Slow and soft I work my tongue with nothing but passion from side to side, up and down. You let out a moan and your eyes close. We are in another place now, somewhere only lovers can go. My fingertips sliding up and down your thigh. Your hands gently placed upon my face to lead me to your lips and we kiss. It’s hard and erotic and we both know it is time. A cover in place and I lower myself upon you, very slow to feel every bit of you enter.

And then we just lay there. For just a few moments we do nothing but lay there still but the heat turns up. Our eyes locked in a gaze neither of us dares to look away. I want to see your need for me in your eyes. I begin to grind my body against yours. First slow and gentle but before long it becomes hard, deep and fast. The wetness, the heat, the moment catches up with both of us and there is no holding back. Together we experience the ultimate, the final destination, the wow factor. It is over, I collapse my body on top of yours, both of us trying to catch our breath. It was sweet, it was hot, it was my fantasy! Anyone up for the challenge? *wink*wink


Entry for May 05, 2006

Emotion. I am not the expert on this one by any means. I have the “Once bitten twice shy” syndrome. But that is a plus in this business. Problem is, some men just aren’t as cold as I am. You come to me for my services because when all is said and done…..we owe eachother nothing! (Once I have collected of course).

You know I will not call you asking why you never called me the next day. I will never wonder why it took you 3 weeks before you called me again. I will never ask that you wine me and dine me nor will I ask what you are thinking. And I will even encourage you to see as many women as you can, even invite other ladies to join us! So why, just why do some question me and my life?

I don’t mean asking how my day was or if I have been busy etc… I mean questions like “I was talking to Jon in chat today, have you seen him? Is he any good? How often, Is he better than me?” etc. Please don’t forget, I am in this business for the same reasons most of you are. I don’t want the BS that comes with sex in the outside world! My life is way too busy to complicate with emotion. I don’t want to answer to anyone ever again. I like the variety of men out there. No experience is ever the same. It’s a journey for me and I love it!

I have passion and adventure in my life and it is enjoyable because I have no emotional attachment to it. If I were to ever “feel” for someone in this business I would change careers. There is an invisible line, like a chalk line….if I pass it I would kill my spirit and it is my spirit that makes Belle just who she is to all of you! Besides, Belle is fun and playful, sweet and innocent. Her counterpart……still wakes in the morning with bed head and has morning breath, does laundry everyday and likes to laze around the house in a pair of boxers and a 10yr old oversized t-shirt! Belle is an illusion and that is why I love her so much! So let me be Belle and you be John and we’ll get it on!!!! Let’s just agree to keep emotion out of it!

Choice not circumstance!

Entry for May 04, 2006

To say that I first started in this business at 31 surprises some. It is assumed that this type of work is more a lifestyle rather than a business. I wonder why that is. Do lawyers hang out in courtrooms in their off time watching the playoffs? Do teachers invite their neighbours to their classrooms to sit in child sized chairs and fingerpaint while downing a 2-4? Do police officers drive their cruisers with their lights on racing through red lights to donut shops in their off time just to get the free coffee and freshest doughnuts? Ok, maybe that one I can see!

My point is, why can this not be a career? Something that like most other careers is totally separate from your personal life? Is it because there is no post secondary institution that teaches you how to be an escort? (Hmmm, now that would be a great business venture!). It takes a certain something to be successful in this business that you just can’t learn from studying a text. You have to know people. How to read them, respond to them and anticipate their needs without them being verbalized.

You m,ust be confident in yourself both sexually and mentally. And most importantly you must never judge those you meet. You need not look like America’s top models, nor do you need to be porn star material. But you do need to know who you are and have the ability to separate the physical and the emotional. And above all, you must be yourself (under a different name of course!). So here I am at 31 with a full time job and a career.

I am a business woman, it just so happens that most of my business is done with older gentlemen who like my company. Most business women may look down on me and my career, but only out of jealousy I think! My job is fun. I am my own boss and make my own hours. My overhead is very low and can be purchased once a month at your local drug store (or if you’re smart like me once every 6 months at Costco). I get complimented daily, every once in awhile even a small gift is handed to me.

My bills are always paid in advance even if I only work 10 hrs a week. And I can honestly say if I am ever cranky it is not because of sexual frustration! I feel better about myself now than I ever have and I know I am a better person because of what I do for others. How lucky I am to have stumbled upon this great adventure, and I am just getting started!

Why a Blog?

Belle’s Blog

“Belle De Jour” is a paperback that was given to me as a gift from a client. Apparently the book was preceeded by the film although I have yet to aquire a copy. It is supposedly written (and I say supposedly because there is quite a controversy over this) by a high end London Courtesan. It is a diary of sorts that describe the different lifestyle a courtesan leads as well as the challenge of having a personal life outside of the adult business. It is here that the idea of a “Belle’s Blog” page on my website came to be.

I love to write and to read, to try to see the world through anothers’ eyes. Here, I hope to help you see my world through my eyes. I will post most every day, but just what I will post is yet to be known. My thoughts on life, my experiences, my dreams, my happiness and my fears perhaps. A joke, or an opinion, a “strange but true” story or just a “Hello, is there anyone reading this” post. I would love to hear your feedback so please don’t hold back!

So here it is, my first blog entry:

May 3rd, 2006

GFE. It’s such a common expression, so much so it has become almost a demand. But just what is it they expect of me when I say that yes, I am a GFE? They call it the girlfriend experience but I can assure you it is not the girlfriend part they want. I wonder what they would say if I entered the room and just started bitching about the porn on the tv and smell of alcohol on their breath! Or maybe when they ask me about restrictions I should tell them they must say that they love me first and I need to be cuddled as I cry afterwards. Or even better, I will question them about every girl they have ever been with, how much money they make and their views on children before my clothes come off!

No, I am not a GFE after all as I think it’s the Non- GFE they are really wanting me to be! I could care less what they do for a living, if they yearn for parenthood or if they have ever been in love. I do care that they respect or time together, but that should go without saying….or so you would think! For me, it’s all about chemistry. A man, a woman (or 2 if I’m lucky) and body heat! I know you’re rolling your eyes thinking “Whatever, it’s all about the money!” and for some it may just be but to you I can only say that for me it is so much more.

I’m not 18 but 31. I have lived on the streets, travelled through Canada at 15 with no money for a few months, worked full time in a great paying job for 10 years and am raising 4 children , I own my own home, 2 vehicles, an RRSP plan and vacation every year. No, I am not 18 but I still have so much to learn…about love, life, you and me. So let the journey begin, Cheers!

(I have added this as a side note to just say that while I speak of no emotion I admit that the best of experiences must involve a certain amount of emotion to fully appreciate the moment. It is not that I am cold or that I do not involve myself emotionally during a meet but more to say that when that door closes behind me, so does the emotion. It has to be that way as it protects me personally and allows me to enjoy those experiences each and every time.)