Someone recently told me that I am cold, that if I keep living my life the way I am I will wind up being an old woman with 40 cats. Of course, this was coming from a married man who thought he’d be the one to break down my wall. I chuckled at first, till I got home and thought about it. One or two aren’t bad, but do I really want 40?
I have been out of this loop since I was 18. I was barely in the loop when I got out of it. Things were different when I was 18. I was young and I had no fear. I wanted to be in love, I wanted to get married and have a family. I did all of those things. Do I really want to start over?
How does the dating game play out when you’re a responsible adult, with kids and a job? It’s not so simple anymore, there’s more to it than when you’re 18. I got to thinking about when my nana passes away. I try not to because we are blessed to still have her with us but I am scared. I don’t have a man to cry to, a man to come home and fall apart with, a man to hold me during the funeral, to pass me more Kleenex. That scares me, the fact that I can’t fall apart. I have to be strong for my kids and I have no one to be strong for me. I know I will be okay, I just wish I didn’t feel like I always have to be okay.
So….where to start? Do I find an attractive man, ask him for coffee, then he invites me for dinner then I wait 3 days for him to ask me out again? Do I hold out on sex for 1 week, 1 month? Do I wait for an attractive man to approach me? Are men attracted to or put off by an aggressive woman? Am I even ready for this?
I’ve put my pen to paper to sort out exactly what I am looking for in a man and what I would expect out of a relationship. I figure if I am going to do this, I’m going to do it right. I have to know what I’m looking for. No more, no less. These are standards I have no room for compromising.
I want a man. A man who is handy around the house, not afraid to get his hands dirty, not afraid to work hard. One who wants to spend a Saturday afternoon sanding floors or pulling weeds. Not because I asked him to but because he wants to. Because he sees it needs to be done or sees me doing it and wants to be by my side, working together.
He has to be employed. Not just recently employed either. I want security. I don’t mean it want his money either but I want to know I will never have to support his lazy ass. I need to know that he is self-sufficient, able to be reliable, accountable to himself. I don’t care what position he holds or where he works, just that he is able to hold a job. Not too much to ask for, I don’t think.
He has to be close with his family. His parents, his siblings, his children if he has any. He has to be able to appreciate the importance of those relationships and value them. This shows his respect and ability to love someone other than himself.
He has to enjoy biking, walking, reading, camping, Disney, Habs games and Geocaching. I don’t want a gym freak, the guy who lives to build some bulk but someone who doesn’t shy from living a healthy active lifestyle. He has to love the outdoors and not whine about the heat and mosquitoes.
He has to have a mind of his own. Agree with me when he agrees but not for the sake of making me happy. My worst pet peeve is a man who won’t stand up for himself. While I don’t want a control freak either, I think there is a happy medium where he’s not afraid to get into it with me but also knows when to walk away because I’m too pissed to discuss it rationally. Ok, that may be asking a bit too much. I suppose I could work on not being so stubborn. Maybe.
He must love to drive. No explanation needed there.
A man who can cuddle yet still be strong and make me feel safe. He must be tall with arms that I can wrap myself in. They’re good for watching movies or running to when life sucks.
He must have a good friend base. We will need our time apart. Ladies nights out, guys nights out. I don’t think it’s healthy otherwise. I’m not the jealous type, nor can he be. Again, a happy medium. Too obsessive and I will run.
One thing I needed in my marriage and never got, was “thank you”. The sacrifices I made, the support I gave when most women would have thrown in the towel…..and never a “thank you”. I need to know that I am appreciated, I need to know I am needed. Most importantly, I need to know that I make a difference in his life. He needs to tell me that from time to time.
Emotion. A fine line here. I have no use for a blubbering idiot who cries at Kodak commercials. I have no use for a guy who says he loves me after the second date. I want a strong, masculine man who isn’t afraid to communicate his emotions or his thoughts. If he’s pissed, he damn well better say so. If he had a bad day and wants to be left alone, so be it….just say so! I don’t want to pull teeth trying to figure him out. Be honest and straight forward, no games. Mental stability is a given.
He must love kids, this is top priority. While I don’t believe in introducing a man to my kids for many, many months after we have been dating, I need to know that when I am ready to take that step, he is ready to accept them. Patience, understanding, patience and being a kid at heart himself, will go a long way.
Am I seriously considering this? Am I seriously contemplating moving on? This thought scares the living hell out of me! I know I am not ready today, probably won’t be for some time yet but just thinking about the possibility is way out of my comfort zone. I had best grab a drink and get a grip, before I get too carried away with this nonsense.
Maybe I'll just buy a puppy, easier to train. :rolleyes:
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