So, I find myself with a few spare hours to kill. What's a woman to do but shop? I know I make it sound like it's my thing, but really, it's not. And shopping when you're in a bad mood doesn't make it any more enjoyable. BUT, Christmas is coming and it must be done. So, I go to the mall here in the Falls. It's the worst place to shop but it's close and I don't feel like pulling out my Nuvi and taking directions from my cyber friend Emily. I find the perfect parking space. For most, this space would be closest to the front doors. For me, it's the spot that is close to no other cars and a place that when I am ready to leave I can pull right out of....no reversing for me.
It's 9:30 and I begin making the 20 minute trek from the back of the parking lot to the doors.
Ok, maybe not that long of a trek but when the snow is blowing it sure as hell felt like that. I make it through the doors and brush off my head as I stomp my feet. I look up to see that all the stores still have their metal gates across them. WTF??? It's one week before Christmas and the mall isn't open yet? But the cars out there, what the hell are all those people doing? I soon found out....they are mall walkers!
Now this is a concept I just don't get. Older people, dressed in their athletic gear and non-marking gym runners walk around the mall with their mall-walking buddies. On a good day I might think that is kinda cute. Today, I just think it's rather dumb. Now our mall layout is not like those big city malls one may be accustomed to. We have a centre court and a few hallways branching off of it. You cannot walk around in one big circle here. You can walk down a short hallway, then back up to centre court, then pick another hallway. That's it. And what is there to see at 9:45am when there is nothing open? I'm thinking I must be missing something here. So after I make my rounds to be sure there is not one store open that I can browse for 15 minutes, I decide to follow these freaks.
I now understand what the term "window shopping" means. This is what these people do. I wished I had been there when they began their walk, I'm assuming they did their stretches prior to such a workout. I caught up with them outside Coles book store . They had stopped to see the sign the associate was putting in the window. But they didn't really even stop. You know when you're drivng around like us lazy people do and you come to a red light. You see that jogger stopped on the sidewalk doing his little "run in place" routine till the light changes? Well, that's what mall walkers do as well. Damn they take this shit serious.
I listened to conversations about preparing Christmas dinner and the fancy way this one older lady ties her ribbons on all of the gifts she wraps. One man talked about his ill wife and seemed quite happy that she is getting along better 'these days'. There was general chatter about the weather outside and the storm about to blow in tomorrow. Nothing too exciting. I tried to figure out who was leading this cult as they seemed to know where they were going but they appeared more to be like a flock of birds that soar in sequence, like they have some pre-mapped mall route etched in their brains. Maybe it's like a human GPS. "In three metres take a right down Northern Reflections Lane", I can hear Emily say as I chuckle to myself. About 15 minutes of this and I was beat. Finally, I slipped into Radio Shack as the gates were opened, hopefully no one noticed my mockery.
After two hours of shopping I returned home. I layed out the gift wrap, the tags, the ribbon and the gifts I had just bought. I need to wrap these things before my kids get home. I decided to try the ribbon-tying technique I heard mentioned on my mall walk. Be dammed if I could not figure the fricken thing out! It sounded so simple but I am no Martha Stewart. So, next Saturday I plan to meet the mall walkers, with some ribbon in my hand at 9:45 and find this woman who can tie pretty bows. When I approach her and say "I was stalking you in the mall last Saturday eavestrophing on your conversation and I heard you mention tying gift bows....." I wonder who will be considered the freak then?
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