Friday, October 20, 2006

Commercial Break

When things click. There are times in one’s life that can be classified as “life changing” or “awakening”. When you realize how crazy life is…..and then things just “click”. For some it may be when you wake up and see your spouse of several years and you wonder “Who are you?”. For some it may be when you wake up alone in bed and wonder “Who am I?” I have been through both of the above and yes, they have changed my life. Those moments in my past have forced me to make some very important decisions, and those decisions I made freed me from much conflict in my life. Through fighting to save my soul and at times my sanity, in the most difficult times in my life, I learned to trust my instincts. I trust that I will act on my life in a way to better it. I have learned how important it is to feed my self spiritually and take all things in stride. So now I find myself taking another stride. And with that comes some decisions that need to be made. So I must trust that I know what I need to do.

It is time to step away for just a bit. Time to focus on things in my life that cannot be taken care of without a great deal of energy on my part. When I first introduced myself to all of you, I was honest. Honest about me, my intentions in this business, my goals and my limitations. I made a promise to myself that if at any time I could not give everything I have to you during our time together that I would step away, so for awhile this is what I must do. I know that this is not an uncommon thing for a lady in the industry. And for a multitude of reasons I am sure. But this is the best explanation I am able to give to all of you.

I have taken a great deal of pride in my relationship with all of you. I have been careful to not cross any lines. I have made it a rule of mine to not get personal. I do not question your lives or anything personal that may leave you feeling exposed. I do that out of respect for all of you and I hope that that same respect will be given in return. I cannot expose myself personally and I hope you all understand that. I have some wonderful clientele and I am sure many of you will be wondering if all is well with me so I want you to know that yes, I am well. I just have to make a few changes in structuring my time to allow me to focus on some unexpected events in my life.

I am sure this will lead to rumors and people talking, they always do. I just please ask that you do not feel the need to assume things you do not know, give in to another’s speculations or voice an opinion that may be suggestive of things that just aren’t so. That’s all I can do is ask, and trust that you have enough respect for me to acknowledge my request.

So how will things change for the next little while? Basically you will just be seeing a lot less of me. On the boards, taking appointments, my blogs….these things will be kept at a minimum for a few months. I will still answer my emails and pm’s but not as often. I will still be taking appointments but it will only be one or 2 days a week at most. And my appointments will be limited to gentleman I have seen previously. Yes, this is just temporary and Belle will be back as you know her. And with lots of great things to come when your regularly scheduled Belle returns, I promise!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Down Days

I have talked a lot about the greatness of being Belle. The wonderful opportunities this business has afforded me. The person I have been allowed to become in an environment that is safe to do so. In many ways Belle has now become a part of me. It does not feel odd to be referred to as Belle anymore. It seems quite natural actually. So natural in fact that I have referred to myself as Belle to people that have no idea who the hell I am talking about! You know those conversations where you refer to yourself as a third party? Yes, I have even referred to myself as Belle in those conversations. I love her spirit and her ability to let go of her inhibitions. But there are days when I wonder just who I am and who I am expected to be.

This goes back to one of my first blog entries when I break the news to all of you that I am just a simple small town girl who wakes up with bed head like any other woman. I feel there are days, and I suppose today is one of them for me to feel inspired to write about it, that I just wonder who I really am. On the one side I just love sitting in my pj’s next to the fire, enjoying the quiet simple life of camping, jogging pants and a good book. Leading a life of many great acquaintances but preferring to keep my life private. Keeping my time alone as just that, alone. I am content to be alone, watching movies or playing poker on the computer.

On the other hand I love being playful, adventurous and sexual. I crave a man’s desire and hunger for his passion. I have spent most of my adult years wanting to find a way to incorporate all of that into my life and now I have found it. It is awakening both spiritually and physically. I have overcome so much this past year that in the past has held me back from living life. I love this new found part of me.

So how do I handle the days when I feel like being the “book reading Belle” when I have appointments scheduled and I am expected to be the “hungry for passion” Belle? We all have those days, days when you’re expected to be someone that you’re just feeling up to being. You know, those days when your engine quits and you walked 5 blocks in the rain to get to work and you are expected to greet everyone with a cheerful “Good Morning, how may I help you?” To say that we as escorts have bad days is true but it is no different than any of you. There are just days you don’t want to be you. As there are days I just don’t want to be me.

Luckily for me my situation is much more positive than most as my job revolves around pleasure. It is seldom that I ever leave an appointment not feeling better than when I arrived. I find myself being complimented, wined and dined, and treated so wonderfully that it would be hard not to put a smile on my face. If it has ever been noticed by a gent that I appear not to be the same Belle he may be used to, it has never been brought up to me. But that is not to say that it doesn’t show. Just that the men I see are too respectful to say anything.

Constructive criticism is part of the job. I think if you have the class to be successful in this business then you need to take that criticism with a smile and a mission to apply it effectively. So, while I love the compliments and the great reviews please don’t hesitate to say when you are disappointed or feel let down. I can only better who I am and make your experience more enjoyable when I know my faults. We all like to think we don’t have any but I know I have mine. I just choose to pretend I don’t at times!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Disney Dreams

Dreams were meant to come true. This I now know for sure. I had the chance this past 10 days to live my childhood dream. I went to meet Mickey at Disney World! For those of you that have been there, I am sure you know where I am coming from. For those of you that haven’t but have always dreamed of doing so I say to you, “If you ever get the chance to live your dream, then don’t give it a second thought!”

This is yet another moment in my recent life that I have learned just how important Belle has become to me. It is all a process of learning to let go of my “just surviving” mode and live life a little. I have always been a worry wart. Worrying about tomorrow, next month, next year and never taking the time out to enjoy what today has to offer me. Yes, I could have spent this money on finishing my basement, buying that new kitchen counter top I’ve been meaning to save for or banked it all for a rainy day. To me that is a positive investment because I would have something to show for the money I have spent. I just never realized that memories, while not a physical show for my money, did more for my life than anything material ever could.

I started planning for this trip back in June this year but really it started as a little girl. I remember watching Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and Snow White as early as 5. I have always been a realist. I never bought into the fairytale dream of a handsome prince whisking me off into the sunset. That was not my dream as a child. But I did dream of the castles, the larger than life brick buildings that held the key to a fantasy. The dresses, the music, the idea of being in a far away place where everyone dances and sings. The Disney dream was just that for me as a little girl.

They say that Disney is for the kids but I have to disagree. Yes, the smiles on my kid’s faces were worth millions. I could go on and on about the memories we made as a family but I don’t feel it appropriate to share those details here. But I would like to share with you my dream and just how Disney affected me.

I was on the boat when it hit me. A short boat ride would take me from the resort to Magic Kingdom. And there it was…..larger than life, Cinderella’s castle. It’s just as the movies show it. A beautiful blue, lit up and glowing even though it was only noon. The windows I dreamed of looking out of that overlooks all of Magic Kingdom. I think I may have even cried at the sight.

After checking in at the gates I was left standing in Main St. USA. The shops all detailed in 1900’s architecture. I look to my left and there I see Donald Duck! I kissed him on his bill and got his autograph. He wasn’t too happy to see I was holding “Pal Mickey” and made me remove it before I got my picture taken with him.

I carried on through Main Street in awe. This is it, my dream, my fantasy and I am standing in the middle of it. I wish there was a way to express what that was like to experience. I worked my way to the steps of the castle and made my way up. Disney has a way of making you feel like you are that inner child. I was like a kid, running up and down the steps, jumping at the chance to meet all of my childhood character friends. Mickey and Minnie, Pluto and Daisy. Then Chip and Dale, Lilo and Stitch, the Princesses and yes, I even ate dinner with Prince Charming! I dined in the castle for lunch with Cinderella, Belle, Wendy, snow White and The Fairy Godmother. I ate dinner with Mickey and his pals. I marched along side the most elaborate parades, and wept while watching the Wishes fireworks show. Perhaps a little too sentimental I know but I was just so inspired by the fantasy.

I fell in love with everything that Disney stands for. The beauty of the parks, the smiles of everyone around me and the nature of all of those that represent what Walt himself dreamed to build. A place where life is simple, everything is wonderous and where dreams really do come true!

Thanks so much to all of you, those that I have met and those that just enjoy reading the things I have to say. You sharing in my excitement has shown just how great you all really are. I couldn’t have experienced all of this if it wasn’t for all of you. I just hope to give back a small piece of what you have all given to me.