Monday, February 12, 2007

5,000 visitors in 6 weeks!

Wow, yesterday I topped 5,000 visitors to my blog since Christmas! I am not too sure exactly when I added my visitor counter to my blog but if my memory serves me correctly I believe it was during the Christmas holidays or shortly thereafter. That is 5,000 times I have shared my story with nearly complete strangers. That is 5,000 times I have proudly shared my escorting experience. And 5,000 times I have asked of others to see me as more than just what I do but who I am.

Isn’t that what we’re all after in life though? To be seen not as our titles but as who we are? I know that was a key factor in becoming an escort. I was a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend…but who was I? I felt I had lost myself somewhere between the diaper isle at the grocers and the employee swipe in counter at work. I have now just begun to find myself. I have found a way to look deep inside for answers I have looked for, for years. My blog has been a great medium for me and I am glad that so many of you have been traveling that road with me.

It is funny when I get emails about things I have written. Sometimes it is encouragement, other times critiques. Some just want to say hello and some even feel open enough to share their personal stories with me. The internet is amazing for what it allows us to become. To write a journal on paper is great, you can express yourself and set free things inside of you that you need to air out. But it lacks explanation. It is simply one sided, a view or a thought that just sits there.

I thought blogging was a ridiculous idea when I first heard the term. A journal online? I started to research a few online blogs and found that many were about computers or gardening or cooking. Those I could understand the concept of. They had content that was based on a subject, a concrete subject. But to write an online journal about ones self seemed ludicrous. I then thought of many emails I was getting or conversations I would have with clients. They would ask how, as an escort, I felt about certain aspects of escorting. I thought that a blog about escorting (a concrete subject) would be an interesting read for some but had no idea that my blog would intertwine with me and my life in such a personal way. It has just seemed to have flowed that way on its’ own course and I am glad it has.

It hasn’t been easy for me in some ways. It’s difficult to accept fault in myself and admit when I have really screwed things up. It’s just as hard to look in the mirror and not like who I see. But when you have hit bottom, stripped away all of the BS that you have used to cover your unhappiness and sit there bare, there is no other way to go but up. We all have to face who we are at some point in our lives. Some choose to do nothing, I can’t give up that easy. I never thought I had it in me, most don’t. But if you want it bad enough you’ll fight for it.

So keep reading, keep sharing your thoughts and keep critiquing. Most importantly, keep looking within yourself for who you are and what you want in life. So many of you tell me how you wished you could set yourself on a journey of self discovery like I have….so do it! It sounds crazy, I know it does, but it is so worth it. Find a way that works for you. It doesn’t have to be a blog or even a journal. Find an outlet that works for you and go with it. Life is too short to waste years wandering aimlessly. Find you, and everything else will fall into place.

The couple call.....Part 1

I have shared with you many experiences that have been extraordinary in this business. Experiences that certainly are not the norm for an escort but do make for great memories. The couple call fits in here. I do not get the pleasure of visiting with a couple often but when I do I have to say they have made for some of most memorable moments as an escort.

These calls can be awkward prior to the actual meeting. A whole new set of rules apply and it can be a time consuming process. I always ask a lot of questions when a couple requests to see me. First I like to make sure that they have played with other parties prior to inviting me to play. This is important to me. It’s all fun and games when a couple makes the decision to have a third party play with them. But the reality is that a woman can never be totally prepared for the sight of her husband entering into another woman, even if that woman is being paid to be there. I do not want to be the cause of a nasty argument and marriage counseling for years after.

I also need to know that the woman is as much into the experience as the man, for the same reasons as above. When I kiss her, I need to know she will return my kiss. When I kiss her husband, I need to know she will not be hurt. I have to be sure that their relationship is secure, that they love one another and that they are equally aroused by what is going to take place.

The next step is discussing the rules. I talk to her, I talk to him. What are they comfortable with? What are they not comfortable with? It sounds funny but I take notes and I read them over many times prior to meeting with them. At no time do I want any boundaries crossed. I have been asked not to kiss him. I have been told that he will not actually partake in having sex with me. I have been asked not to kiss her (this is the one and only couple call I refused to take simply because it implied she was doing this for him). And even once or twice I have been told that everything is on the menu.

Once the rules are set, everyone is on the same page and the details are taken care of….I wait. This part really sucks! It’s like waiting for Christmas morning, just 3 more sleeps, just 2 more sleeps…..but the anticipation only heightens the experience. I love the wondering, the curiosity of what they will be like to play with. I read my notes and wait.

I recently had the pleasure of meeting a young couple. Before I get into the details I want to explain why I was so excited to see them. They were truly concerned about me having a good time. It says a lot when a client repeatedly asks what I enjoy. They wanted to be sure I had a good time too, it was just as important to them for me to enjoy our time together as it was for them to enjoy.

I walked into the room to see a beautiful woman smiling at me. You will notice that I will omit many graphic details, but remember things like this. Her smile turned me on as soon as our eyes met. She was dressed in a very simple black see through camisole. This was very erotic. Simple sounds boring but for me it is just the opposite. It spoke volumes for the type of woman she is. No, not simple but confident and sensual. She did not feel the need to dress up in a garter, complete with leather straps and all the frills to impress me nor her husband. She looked so calm and natural, I love that look on a woman.

He poured me a drink and we sat on the bed chatting about nothing really. It wasn’t awkward chat, just “getting to know you” chat. The jacuzzi tub had been run before I arrived and was too inviting to not soak in, even if only a few minutes. So we stripped down and stepped in. The lady and I both next to one another, he at the foot of the tub. It wasn’t long before she ran her hand up my thigh. The tub so warm and I still felt the chill her touch gave me. We continued to chat as I watched her hand caress my leg. I wanted to kiss her, to touch her, to kiss her some more. I wanted it to all happen now but found myself being content to feel her touch, to best program how that felt in a place within my mind that I would hope to come back to many times over.

I raised my hand to meet hers and I could swear I felt her desire for what was about to take place. I could not wait any longer, my hand traveling on its’ own. Down her leg and back up again. She looked at me, those eyes inviting me to kiss her, so I did. It was soft and gentle, both of us holding back from getting carried away. Another snapshot to file away. We soon decided it was time to carry this to the bed just a few steps away.

She lay herself upon the bed and I instinctively followed. What happened from there would be impossible to chart in chronological order but I will do my best to paint a picture for you. So many erotic moments were explored during our short time together. Of the most vivid is tasting her. While I explored her pussy with my tongue I watched her to see head roll back as she let out a soft moan. We were not to forget he was there, no, that would not happen. This moment could only be topped by having him taste how wet she was making me. Like the chain of life, her pleasure pleased me which seemed to make him quite happy as well.

We would switch position many times, he on the bed, us two ladies tending to his genitals. My tongue lashing against his balls while his wife kissed him with such passion. He entered me while I lapped up her sopping pussy. I crawled up her body to kiss her, what wonderful lips they were. He took a break to sit and watch and we thrust our pussies against each other. Writhing, moaning, kissing and trying to catch my breath, this was the first time I had ever been one on one with a woman. It was overwhelming, a moment I had fantasized about most of my adult years.

I loved to see him watch us. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him but at the same time he seemed content to give his wife to me. He wanted her to have this moment, even if it meant he was not to be a part of it. That is true love. I have spent many nights replaying the events of that evening in my mind. I feel guilty at times with couples that I tend to monopolize the woman and that perhaps the man feels left out. I do my best to be sure that I include each of them equally, I really do. But times like these, they just feel right. There was no pressure to meet any expectations. They were happy if I was happy……and I was most definitely happy.

We have talked several times since our night together. They thank me, I thank them. What we all agree on when reliving that night is that it was wonderful. There was so much we wanted to do, things we wanted to try. But that is what makes this so great. While you would think being an escort becomes routine business, it does not. Each experience is different, each experience is new. But with everything that happened that night, with so much to play over in my mind…’s the memory of me walking in the room, putting my arms around him to say hello and peering over his shoulder to see her sitting on the bed that was most erotic for me. Her simple black camisole, her beautiful calm smile and their love for one another…that’s what turned me on. The rest that followed? It was hot, it was passionate and it was sensual. But without that brief moment when I first walked in, it would have been business. There was no business that night!

Monday, February 05, 2007

You asked about my blog?

I have been asked many times about my blog. Why do I write it? Do I really believe in what I write? Do I write simply as a form of free advertising? Do I write all my entries or do I have help? How do I decide what to write? Do I embellish my writing to appease those reading it? So here are your answers.

1) Why did I start a blog?

To be honest, I started writing because I was asked to. I wasn’t asked to start a blog, but many clients had mentioned my posts on the review boards and suggested I take that writing one step further. I didn’t know what to with my writing, but I knew that I really wanted a medium to share my experiences. Thus, I created my blog.

2) Why do I continue to write?

What started out as sharing with you an escort’s perspective on the business has now become a journal of my personal life intertwined with the business. This is my way of keeping everything in perspective and finding the proper balance between my personal and my professional life. The paths have crossed, something I never expected to happen. But that is part of being human. I am not mechanical, I am real and I feel it is important that while many of you put the ladies you see on a pedestal, you also see that we are human too. It is therapeutic in a sense, to admit my faults, flaunt my triumphs and openly discuss where I have been and where I am headed.

3) Do I believe in what I write?

I have to. I cannot write about something I have not experienced or do not truly believe in. I just cannot. I have tried writing as a third person and about a place I have never been. It’s not in me to write that way. You will notice as you read my blog the sentence structure is way off. From a grammatical stand point my writing would disgust any editor worthy of his title. But I write the way I do for you to try to feel what I am feeling. My sentences run on and on at times because that is how my mind processes what I want to say. As of late I have been thinking a little more seriously about writing. I have hired an English Professor to critique my blog. Let’s face it, Belle will not be around forever. I will need something to focus on when it’s time for me to say goodbye.

4) Do I write simply as a form of free advertising?

Well, if people who run their own businesses incorporate their time spent on business into their fee I can say that my blog certainly is not “free” advertising. But yes, it is an advertising tool. I just use it for different purposes. If you read through the topics I write about and perhaps try to read between the lines you will see how I have used my blog to be open about awkward things. Clients getting too close is a good example. Do you have any idea how hard it is to meet a client to tell him I can no longer see him because he is becoming too emotionally involved? It’s not easy. I do these things in my blog. It opens up the issues no one wants to talk about. It is the reality of escorting that not all things are pleasant. My blog can at times be a means for saying in open forum what I lack the balls to say one on one. It can be a lot of work but I enjoy it. No, I do not write to advertise my business but yes, I do use it as a business tool. Besides, talking about bed head, bad breath and being late certainly doesn’t increase my business!

5) Do I write all of my own entries or do I have help?

I would hope you all know me better than that but this was a question I was asked in an email. I will only answer it here because I have never met this gent so I suppose it is a fair question. I am the only person who has any access to my blog. I write everything that you read, without the help or insight from anyone else. My life experiences I share with you…..they are true. My escorting experiences…..they are true also. I will never try to give you a false idea of who I am or what I am about. If you can fault me for anything, it can be that at times I get too honest…..but I will never lie. I will hold back from saying something that I might feel would hurt my business or my reputation, but I will not lie. I could never prove this to you, so the best I can do is leave that judgment up to you.

6) How do I decide what to write?

Again, it’s all about how I am feeling when I write. I have always written down my thoughts…..happy, sad, angry…’s just how I have always dealt with life. My posts at times come from something I have read. I may have just come from an amazing appointment, something beyond the usual course of business and want to share it with you. I may have just finished listening to a song or reading an email that inspired me. I only write when something has motivated me to write. I cannot sit at my computer and try to think of a topic and then write about it. It just never happens that way. I don’t write under deadlines, this is why you may see several days between posts. I simply cannot write just for the sake of writing.

7) Do I embellish my writing to appease those that are reading?

Pretty much I have answered this above in #5. I try to write about things I think you may be interested in reading, yes. But not always. I don’t write to say things you want to hear. I may write about topics you would like to read about, but what I say about that topic is in my own words. I’d love to say that my life is perfect, this business is perfect and I am perfect. But that isn’t reality, it may be what sells, but it isn’t me.

I have never asked any of you what I should change about my blog. I don’t want to change it, it is what it is. It is there for you to read it if you wish. It is just a blog. A journal. A diary. However you look at it, it’s still just a compilation of my thoughts and my experiences. I am glad some of you enjoy reading it and I apologize to any of you I offend. I write what I feel and sometimes I just don’t feel like being nice!

Thanks for the small things.....

I am having a most wonderful evening tonight. No, sex has not been a part of it (as of yet!) and no, I do not have any company that sex (other than with myself) is even a slight possibility but I am having a wonderful evening none the less.

I have had the fire burning since dinner time. It is amazing how the glow of the flame gives me a sense of ease. I can sit and watch the flames for hours, finding myself getting lost in thought. I think about the small things in my life that have altered my path, those small details that without them happening who knows just how different my life would have been.

It wasn’t until thinking of these things that I realized just how many people I owe thanks to. I would have no idea where to find most of them today, I don’t even know the names of most of them. But I want to say thanks to them anyways.

1) Thanks to the lady I sat beside in the hallway of the emergency room with the police in 1989. You stopped me from taking the rest of the pills I had in my pants pocket that night. They were going to release me until I thought about what you said and I did not trust myself to go home. I asked for help that night.

2) Thanks to the man on my train ride to BC in 1990 for the $5 you gave me. I had too much pride to admit it but I was starving! You taught me to never forget how hungry I was.

3) Thanks to the teacher that ran across the field to pick me up after a “friend” had beaten me up. You told me those tears would make me a stronger person some day. I didn’t understand what you meant until a man followed me home one night when I was 16. I stopped a lady in her car and asked her to drive me home that night. I would have been too embarrassed to do that if I didn’t learn from shedding those tears to stand up for myself.

4) Thanks to Mrs. Mckinley, my high school cross country coach for being so supportive when I dropped out of school. You set me up with the tools I needed to get through the next few years. You didn’t criticize or condemn, you were the only one to believe I would find my way some day. It’s now 16 years later and I’m happy to say I think I have finally found it, or atleast on the right track!

5) Thanks to Kip. If you only knew what your friendship meant to me 16 years ago. I certainly would not be who I am today without your quirky outlook on life. I now own a pair of red socks to live for too and when I see them in my drawer they make me laugh….every single day! Some days that chuckle has been my everything.

6) To my high school sweetheart. You were the first to give me love, I wouldn’t have known what that was like had I not met you. I have never felt those butterflies since. You were my first high school dance partner, I still remember how giddy I was. We spent 4 crazy years together. You gave me more than you will ever know. You and I were not meant to last, but that feeling I had every time I was with you, was. Next time, I won’t settle for anything less than the butterflies.

7) Thanks to the crappy real estate agent I used to buy my first house. I swore I would get my real estate license and prove that some really saw the business as more than an income. I sucked at selling houses but I went after something I really wanted. I worked hard and I did it. I was far too honest for real estate but I learned a valuable lesson. I learned that no matter how bad I wanted something in life, I just could not sacrifice my morals to get it. A lesson I have carried into this business with me.

8) Thanks to my kids for always asking “Why?” It drove me crazy for many years, “Why?, Why?, Why? About everything. Depending on my mood my answer was anything from some long winded brilliant explanation to “Just because” or “For God’s sake please do not ask me why one more time!” Now every time I ask “Why me? Why?” I give myself a kick in the ass for asking such an annoying question!

9) Thanks to Padre who works at Santana Beach Resort in La Romana. Without knowing it, you opened my eyes up to someone inside of me that was screaming to come out! My first moped ride, my first time peeling sugar cane and my first time being naked on a beach. While it took me a few years to bring that part of me to life again you showed me that she was in there!

10) Thanks for my very good friend, you know who you are! Ten years of joking, teasing and spilling to you my life story. Thanks for supporting me when I have needed you to and opening my eyes for me when I have been too blind to see what I needed to see. Thanks for the shoulder to cry on Christmas Eve, the hand to hold as I started out in this business and for your sense of humour which keeps me sane. You keep me grounded and lately I know I have really needed that! I know there would never have been a Belle if it weren’t for you, so thanks... for just being you.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

New Orleans

New Orleans, a city in great despair? Yes, Katrina set upon New Orleans total devastation. Over 1500 deaths, thousands left homeless, thousands more forced to relocate. But during my recent visit to NOLA I witnessed rebuilding, smiling faces and a city whose attitude was not defeat. I spent my stay in the French Quarter and therefore I was mostly in the company of tourists, but the point is….there were people there. Bars were open, bands were playing and while I had never had the opportunity to visit NOLA before something told me “This is just how NOLA should be”.

The restaurants were busy tending to rumbling stomachs, the hotels still had bodies hanging over the railings in hopes to give away strands of beads. There were sax players giving their soul to anyone who would stop to listen. The beignets and hot chocolate at Café Du Monde even had New Orleans flavor. The oysters at Acme Oyster house were excellent! (They even let you take home your shells without sneering at you when you ask!)

Zydeco music was pouring out the French Quarter bars, my first introduction to the genre. Krazy Corner was where it was at! Bands with washboards draped over their shoulders made playing the spoons look so simple. I managed to get an autographed CD from these guys! (Not to mention an aggressive hair pull from the “obviously bi” washboard player in dreadlocks!).

Le Booze was a great bar to start out with! Just a small bar with bar stools but they served up one hell of a Bloody Mary (don’t ever ask for a Caesar in Nola, it gets quite confusing) and a view of the street for people watching that couldn’t have been better. When the rain is pouring (and believe it or not it’s so perfect to have rain while strolling the French Quarter) GumbOlaya was a nice retreat for a mimosa and a hot bowl of gumbo to warm up with.

Then I discovered Pat O’Brien’s. I will leave the link for you at the bottom of this post. If you visit New Orleans, you MUST visit Pat O’Brien’s! Dueling pianos with copper tops and riveted leather casings. Request a song written on a napkin and they will play it for you. Not only did they play ‘Oh Canada’ for me but most of the bar sang along too! (Which was only fair as I sang along with ‘God Bless America’ so many times I could barely speak!) There is no dance floor but if you choose to work the bar with attempts at dancing, there’s plenty of room! A great atmosphere especially with Alvin playing his thimbles. Another link below to read of the legacy of Pat O’Brien’s original thimble player (and 67 year employee) Eddie Gabriel. What an amazing story!

I spent so much time letting loose at Pat Obrien’s that I did not make it to many of the Bourbon Street hot spots save one. Coyote Ugly…. I love the movie, I love the reality show and now I can officially say I have “been there, done that”. Yes, the girls in their cowboy boots dancing on the bar top. Hundreds of bras strung from the ceiling. There is no other drink to be had here but a beer, a man’s drink. Unfortunately the bar was empty so it was a little disappointing, but this will not stop me from checking it out again on my next visit!

Southern Architecture, Creole and Seafood, Zydeco and Jazz, beads and more beads. It was all still there just as it was prior to Katrina. Homes are being rebuilt, lives are being put back together. The atmosphere which is the heart and soul of New Orleans was vibrant, promising and very present….. something I don’t think any amount of water could wash away!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Hotel vs. Motel

Hotel vs. Motel. I suppose each lady has her preference but here is my take. You see it on escort websites quite often. “I only visit upscale hotels”. I have often wondered why that is. Perhaps a lady in this business may feel more respected by entering through those large lobby doors, the ride up the elevator a sign that she is of a higher class. Maybe she needs that defining experience to justify to herself that what she is doing is not wrong, nor is it dirty as long as there is a white duvet on the bed. Not to say that there is anything wrong with that, if that is what makes her feel comfortable in what she does for a living.

When I talk to women in the business about this, they seem to think that that the men they see in a hotel will treat them much better than the men they would see in a motel. My experience has not proven this to be true. Yes, a knock on a hotel door will likely be opened by a man in a business suit. Does that make him any more clean or respectful than the man in jeans and a tee at the motel? Not so, in my opinion.

I have learned in life to not judge a book by it’s cover. My life is a prime example of how the book certainly does not read as one would expect from the cover. I do not judge as I do not wish to be judged. Look at what I do for a living. When it comes down to it, a man can be kind and gentle in a suit or sweats. A man can be abusive in a suit or sweats. So if it not an issue of “presentation is everything”, I suppose some women may feel more safe in a hotel.

Again, my experience has not proven this to be true. I had a “call gone bad” last summer. Yes, it was in a motel. I was mad, at him and at myself as I had let my guard down. I was sickened with the fact that he thought he could hurt me and get away with it. When I got out the door I ran over to the manager’s office in tears. He called the police for me and sat with his arms around me as I cried. He never questioned what happened. He never questioned calling for help. Would I have received that same treatment in a hotel? Likely not.

When I walk into the motels, I know the owner is aware of what is going on. The more familiar motels, I have met the owners. I want them to know me, to trust me and to respect me. And they do. They wave as I pull in, they wave as I leave. I know they take great care of my clients, especially when it comes to respecting their need for anonymity. I feel safe there. They may not understand why I do what I do but they don’t need to. They just need to be there if I need help and for the majority of them, I trust that they are.

I try to picture my “call gone bad” happening in an upscale hotel. Would I have felt so free to walk up to the front desk in tears and ask for help? Would they have whisked me away to some private room to hide me from their guests before calling for help? Would they have just directed me to a pay phone across the street? Would they have sat with me until the police arrived? Likely not.

Sure, it’s nice to be in a fancy room. Everything brightly decorated, plenty of room to walk around. But let’s face it, if it has a bed it serves its’ purpose. It’s not about the room for me. It’s not about the revolving doors, the paintings on the wall or the elevator ride. It’s about being respected and feeling safe. I walk into the motels and not have to try scuttling past a front desk who have seen me three times this week. I don’t have to hide or feel embarrassed by what I choose to do. I don’t have to pretend I am something I am not nor pretend I am not something that I am. The motels, they know what I am doing. There is nothing to hide. Sure, the bad guys are out there. They are in hotels, they are in motels but would you believe that the majority of bad calls (since I have been in the business) have been happening during house calls! Yes, men calling for women and abusing them in their own homes!

You don’t weed these guys out by not visiting homes or motels. You weed these guys out by being street smart. You trust your instincts. The sad reality is that there is a certain risk in this business. It is a risk us ladies are all aware of. Hotels, motels……there is the same amount of risk but at least the motels know who I am. They know I am there, the know the client I am seeing and they look out for me. Yes, I love warm white duvets and big fluffy pillows but I also appreciate the security of knowing there are another set of eyes and ears looking out for my safety.

So when a client apologizes for requesting to see me at a motel I go the extra bit to let him know I do not mind at all. It’s not about the cover, it’s about the good read.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Website changes.....

Just a quick one tonight to say that I have made some changes to my website, finally! Yes, you will see my blog located in my new "Forums" section of the site. I will be maintaining my blog for a short time here on Blogger, but within the next month or so you will only be able to access it from my website.

The forum section of my website will have similar format as most review boards do but the content will be much different. Because I recieve so many emails about the issues I talk about in my blog I felt it a good idea to move it to an area that would be a little more interactive for those that would like to comment or discuss in more detail the things I write about. This move also allows me to copyright my writing which was important to me.

I hope you enjoy the new look and feel and to keep your anonymity you can view my blog from my website without registering as a user. It is a new format for me as much as it is for you so please be patient as I fine tune the forums. Same blog, same Belle, just moving forward!

You can view my website at and click on the "Forum" link or view it directly from here :