Just who am I?

Entry for May 11, 2006

Just who am I? Do you ever ponder such a thought? Now it sounds like a deep question but I mean it literally! When I am at home, I have a role, When I am at my “real” job, I have a role and when I am visiting with a client I have a role. Just what happens when you get those roles mixed up? Here is my story of forgetting who I am…

So there I sit, my very first time at a strip club all quiet and shy...... Ok, let me start again. There I sit at a strip club, the scene a little familiar with members of my family and church congregation…. Ok, to be totally honest with you, I’m laying on the stage at my favorite strip club with an American bill in my mouth! My favorite dancer “Obsession” is teasing the hell out of me, my pants around my ankles and my bra above my head. Many are gathered around to share in my excitement, some familiar faces, others I have just met. Music blaring, lights flashing, nakedness everywhere! This is Belle having the time of her life. She is being offered drink after drink and then she discovers the shooter girl.

What great sweets this lady brings around. It’s kool-aid stuff with cool names like “sex on the beach”, “passion fruit” and “melon”. There are soooo many and she has to try each one….at least twice! The night carries on. More gents to greet, more ladies to taste. The kisses and the touching, it is by far the most erotic evening. But like any other great time it must come to an end. The strip club closes and Belle must go home. But not to bed, there is no time to sleep! Now, somehow while “slightly”*wink*wink* intoxicated she must transform into her “real job” role and go into work! A bath! That will help sober up and get rid of Belle, right?

So there I sit, in the break room amongst coworkers and management, my hands cupped around my Timmy’s. A night of partying with no sleep only a short time before and Belle refuses to go away! Now keep in mind I am now in a place where I am responsible, conservative, some may even consider me to be a prude that know me here. And then I wake up after hearing Belle blurt out “Her name is Obsession and she was so hot! There I was on stage with all my clothes off kissing this woman!” OMG, what did she…..I just say? Belle left right then and there and I was left to defend my conservative reputation. I am not too sure what else Belle had to say prior to that comment but apparently it was pretty juicy stuff cause my coworkers have all taken a new interest in me. I get winks and nods when I walk by the guys, I hear the whispers of the prissy women (who have undoubtedly at some point in their lives thought of touching another woman but don’t have the confidence in themselves to admit it) and a few have even shared with me their “I knew you had a wild side!” affirmations.

Having multiple personalities for me is much worse than schitzophrenia, atleast schitzophrenics aren't aware of each of their personalities! I have learned that when alcohol is involved there must be atleast 6 hours sleep given to allow for Belle to settle for the night. She is wild and crazy when she wants to be and my simple life just isn’t quite ready to be rocked by her world!