Balance Pt 1

Entry for June 20, 2006

Balance, Part 1

Balance. Everything needs the right amount of balance to function as it was meant to be. Our universe is based on the principle of balance. Ecologists struggle with balance in the ecosystem every day. Human-induced ecological change such as rainfall in the country influenced by fossil fuel combustion affects the proper balance essential to our ecosystem. Where influences affect the balance and the scales are tipped ecologists are forced to recreate that balance.

Similarly is our atmosphere. Here we have greenhouse gasses which help to heat our planet, without them we would be as cold as Mars. The problem our planet faces is that we do not have the right balance of these gasses. The presence of too many greenhouse gasses and the temperature of our planet will spin out of control as we are beginning to see happen.

Our lives are no different. We need balance to be complete, to function as happy souls. When that balance is tampered with our lives are disrupted but maintaining this balance is not easy. The fundamentals of our lives…family, friends and selves can battle for importance and when we allow one to win thus we have created an imbalance. It is my experience (certainly not an educated statement but just a personal point of view) that we put our selves at the bottom of the list.

I have spent the greater part of my life (the last 10 months aside) suffering from unbalance. Sure, the doctor’s termed it “Chemical Imbalance” but as I am starting to focus on my life I realize that it was all just “unbalance”. I put too much emphasis on my family and my friends, trying to live up to their expectations. I tried so hard to be the everything that I thought they wanted me to be. My decisions in life I made for them. I dressed the way I was expected to dress, talked the way I was expected to talk and took on all the responsibilities of every title with a smile. We all have titles, being an escort for me is just one of many. I am a mother, daughter, friend, sister, aunt, coworker….it goes on and on.

But I am also me. There it is again, that title that seems to get lost in the everyday chaos of life. The self should be the centre, the core that keeps the balance! Why are we so quick to dismiss our own needs, wants and desires? Is it society that has pressured us to put others before ourselves? Even saying it that way does not sound right. Put me before others? It took this business for me to see that that is where my imbalance lies. If I am not happy, and I mean totally content with who I am, how could I possibly find that balance?

So now, yes….it’s all about me! I don’t mean that in a selfish way but I try my best to live my life doing things that make me feel good. In turn I find that the rest just seems to fall into place. I no longer “fight” to keep that balance because the scales are in my favor. I know the core, the centre force. If I feed that force, it remains healthy and keeps that balance. After years of thinking that Prozac was the answer and there it was all along, just great sex!