Friday, November 03, 2006

This break is torture!

Taking a break has become more of an unwelcome turn of events as opposed to the rejuvenating rest it was meant to be! It has been a week now and I’m getting antsy. I should be feeling more focused yet I seem to be more frazzled. I should be feeling more energy yet I find I am sleeping my days away. I am turning appointments away and then wondering later what the heck I am doing!

Yes, I miss what I do. I miss being touched and being the one to touch. I miss looking into a man’s eyes and seeing his desire for me. That is an addicting feeling, something I now realize has become a need in my life, no longer a want.

So yes, here I sit quite horny. I spent the entire day today tantalizing the idea of sex. And it was yet another erotic adventure that I want to share with you. Sex is so much more for me than the physical act of having sex. It is a play on my emotions, allowing my mind to wander with explicit curiosity. When I anticipate having sex I become very aroused especially when I know I am in a surrounding that sex is not an option. This can be one of two things.

I love to flirt with a man that I know I will never be able to have. A man that is beyond my reach but is still responsive to my advances. It’s the whole “Look but you can’t touch” thing that I find so arousing. A man like a co-worker. You know he is attached to another yet he teases you with his smile from across the room. His eyes flirt with you when they meet yours. You intentionally brush his arm when walking past him or touch his hand as you borrow his pen. This is most enjoyable with someone I would see regularly. It gives me something to look forward to throughout my day. Keeping it light and fun but always letting my thoughts get carried away.

The other is to flirt with a man that I know I may find myself naked with some day (yet never have) but in a surrounding that neither of us are able to be naked. By never being with him before it leaves me with a curiosity of the unknown. I don’t know how his tongue feels against my nipple but I can imagine his touch. I do not know how his body feels pressed against mine, flesh on flesh, but I can imagine the heat we create. I experienced this today and it made me so very wet. It’s having him rub my leg and wishing his hand would work its’ way further up my thigh. It’s kissing him, feeling his wet lips but not taking it to the level of being a deep passionate kiss. It’s gently pressing my body up against his but not giving in to the urge to grind against his groin. It’s all about being in control of that sexual energy physically but allowing your mind to take it to another level. Again, it’s the anticipation. This becomes all about my desire for him. It is not something I share with him, but more something that I savor for myself. I feel more aroused the less I make him aware of where my mind is at.

I consider myself a very sexual person, but for different reasons than what most would consider to be sexual. I do not dress in short skirts and low cut tops. I do not hit on every man that meets my path. Nor do I express myself verbally in such a forward manner that I come across as sexually versed. But I have imagination. I have the gift to feel the heat of a man’s hand through my jeans. I can visualize him making love to me in a way that is so real I could swear I feel his touch. I can look at him, see through his eyes and read what he needs from me. That to me is true sexuality.

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