I hope you dance

Day one of “The softer side of Belle”. While I had posted my most recent email just today, it’s concept began several weeks ago. It is obvious to all of you that I have come to a crossroads in my life. Nothing earth shattering by any means but a challenge none the less. We all run into these bumps in the road, it’s just simply a part of life. What makes you or breaks you is which road you decide to travel.

There is a song I listen to quite often. It keeps me grounded and focused on how I want to live my life. I am not too sure who wrote it but it is sung by Lee Ann Womack. It is a huge part of my life and want to share it with you.

I Hope You Dance (Lee Ann Womack featuring Sons Of The Desert)(Mark D. Sanders/Tia Sillers)

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you danceI hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistakeBut it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out Reconsider
Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their years and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
DanceI hope you dance


I like a challenge. I have never been one to settle for the path of least resistance.
Where is the reward in that? I need to feel that I have overcome obstacles and stayed true to myself while doing it. I need to be able to pat myself on the back. I am humble though. I do not care to flaunt my victory. It is mine, I hold it close and use it for inner strength. The reward for me? Knowing I made it when others doubted me. And that is why this crossroads I am at in my life is so difficult. I did not make it,all bets were against me and I did not make it. There is no reward in that.

I will not let that get me down though. I am as determined as I am stubborn. I do not accept defeat but try to learn from it. Where did I fail? When did the table turn and I lost control? What it all boils down to for me? I didn’t let anyone in. I believed so strongly that I don’t need anyone that I pushed everyone away. And here I am, standing bare and stripped of everything I worked so hard to protect. Something I swore could never happen to me if I didn’t let myself feel.

This sounds like a bad thing but really it is not. I have spoken about friendships and how they serve a purpose in our lives. I relate that theory to all of my upsets in life as well. There is a reason for everything. If I do not walk away from all of this without a better understanding of myself then I have truly been defeated. And I won’t take that lying down. And so it was that I realized it is okay to hurt. It is okay to admit when you fear life. And it may even be okay to cry. It is okay to share my thoughts. Not how I think others may want to hear them, but how they really are. I am scared to death to let others in and I know that will not happen overnight but I am going to try.

I have for the first time in many years confided in another. I opened up, spoke of things I have never let leave my lips and not worry about what was thought of me after. It was a relief. It felt good to be open for once. To be able to say “This is who I am and admit that I am not perfect.” And the funny thing was that it was natural and I felt safe doing so. Maybe because I knew I had nothing to lose. I am getting back to the basics.

I am alone by choice, that is how I have made my life be. I rely on me, I count on me and when things get screwed up I can blame only me. It is simple, uncomplicated and predictable. But it’s not living. I want someone to ask me how my day was besides the clerk at the grocery store. I want someone to invite me out for coffee because they want to chat an hour away with me. I want someone to call me up just to say “Have a great sleep, I’ll talk to you tomorrow”. I don’t want love. I have no room in my life for that. I want people, a network, a friend. I want to live my life, not exist within it. Besides, standing bare in front of the world in the middle of November is just way to friggin cold!