I can dance! Ok, not really, but....

If you remember, I wrote a blog back in November about Lee Anne Womack’s song, “I hope you dance”. It’s about not being bitter, not taking the easy road and not being scared to live. That has been my fault in life. Being afraid to take chances, afraid to make mistakes and afraid to live. I listen to that song almost every day. It is a reminder of who I am striving to be. The good news is….I’m getting there.

I experienced something in my travels recently, something I have never felt free enough to do. I danced. Yes, for hours I danced. No humility, no holding back. I danced song after song after song and I had never felt that free in my life. Ok, to the eye of someone with rhythm it might not have been considered dancing, but for me it was just that.Not a big deal for most of you I am sure, but monumental for me. I have never danced before. Ok, I danced to “Stairway to heaven” at my high school sweetheart’s prom (who didn’t dance to that song at some time in their life?), and I danced to my wedding song (which I stumbled through somehow). That is twice that I have danced in my 32.5 years. To humiliate myself in front of others, why would I?

I had even taken a few salsa lessons in the past year after a trip to the Dominican, which gave me the desire to finally learn how to dance. Eight lessons later I was told that I am….how did he put it? ...... “Unteachable”. Yes, a dance instructor told me after eight private lessons that I am unteachable. Is that even a word? Yes, he still took my money and no, I don’t blame him as it’s true….I have two left feet. I cannot lead, I cannot follow…I simply cannot dance.But this night was different. Yes, I still looked like an ass because I can’t dance, don’t get me wrong, but I did it anyway. The music was just right, the people in the bar were all having a great time and I just couldn’t sit there and watch this time. I think the best part was that I wasn’t even intoxicated.

It was just me, taking one more step down this road I’ve been traveling. Letting go and doing something I have so desperately wanted to do. And once I got started, I couldn’t stop. I don’t think that I have ever been happier with me, just as I am, as I was that night.Just imagine that feeling. I wish I could explain it to you, to have you feel how I felt right then. That one thing that has terrified you all of your life, and you overcome it. Imagine how that would feel. The feeling of accomplishment, the sense of, “Oh my God, I just did it, and it felt so damn good!” I wasn’t embarrassed when I ran up to complete strangers and joined in their dance with them.

I wasn’t embarrassed when I saw the shy woman in the crowd and pulled her up to dance with me. I wasn’t embarrassed to request they play ‘Oh Canada’ for me, and then teach everyone how to sing it! I wasn’t embarrassed that I was soaked in sweat because I just couldn’t stop, dancing to every song hour after hour. I should have been, but the greatest thing is…I wasn’t!

I have spent my adult life worrying about what other people thought of me, but for some reason this night I just let it go. I didn’t care what they thought. For once it wasn’t about them, it was about me. I hope all of you get to feel that one day, if you haven’t already. I know it was just dancing, but what it stood for was so much more. All of this, everything you read about in my blog, it’s all about taking me to where I want to be, who I want to be, who I know I am, to somewhere within. That’s what all of this stands for.I am finally learning to be true to myself. And times like this that I can just let go of everything negative and be there in that moment…..I know I’m finally headed in the right direction.

I’m on the right path and I can’t wait to see where it takes me. I look forward to tomorrow because I know there is something new, something exciting, just something out there waiting for me. It’s great to feel that hope for something again. It’s been a long time.

Belle