Wow, yesterday I topped 5,000 visitors to my blog since Christmas! I am not too sure exactly when I added my visitor counter to my blog but if my memory serves me correctly I believe it was during the Christmas holidays or shortly thereafter. That is 5,000 times I have shared my story with nearly complete strangers. That is 5,000 times I have proudly shared my escorting experience. And 5,000 times I have asked of others to see me as more than just what I do but who I am.
Isn’t that what we’re all after in life though? To be seen not as our titles but as who we are? I know that was a key factor in becoming an escort. I was a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend…but who was I? I felt I had lost myself somewhere between the diaper isle at the grocers and the employee swipe in counter at work. I have now just begun to find myself. I have found a way to look deep inside for answers I have looked for, for years. My blog has been a great medium for me and I am glad that so many of you have been traveling that road with me.
It is funny when I get emails about things I have written. Sometimes it is encouragement, other times critiques. Some just want to say hello and some even feel open enough to share their personal stories with me. The internet is amazing for what it allows us to become. To write a journal on paper is great, you can express yourself and set free things inside of you that you need to air out. But it lacks explanation. It is simply one sided, a view or a thought that just sits there.
I thought blogging was a ridiculous idea when I first heard the term. A journal online? I started to research a few online blogs and found that many were about computers or gardening or cooking. Those I could understand the concept of. They had content that was based on a subject, a concrete subject. But to write an online journal about ones self seemed ludicrous. I then thought of many emails I was getting or conversations I would have with clients. They would ask how, as an escort, I felt about certain aspects of escorting. I thought that a blog about escorting (a concrete subject) would be an interesting read for some but had no idea that my blog would intertwine with me and my life in such a personal way. It has just seemed to have flowed that way on its’ own course and I am glad it has.
It hasn’t been easy for me in some ways. It’s difficult to accept fault in myself and admit when I have really screwed things up. It’s just as hard to look in the mirror and not like who I see. But when you have hit bottom, stripped away all of the BS that you have used to cover your unhappiness and sit there bare, there is no other way to go but up. We all have to face who we are at some point in our lives. Some choose to do nothing, I can’t give up that easy. I never thought I had it in me, most don’t. But if you want it bad enough you’ll fight for it.
So keep reading, keep sharing your thoughts and keep critiquing. Most importantly, keep looking within yourself for who you are and what you want in life. So many of you tell me how you wished you could set yourself on a journey of self discovery like I have….so do it! It sounds crazy, I know it does, but it is so worth it. Find a way that works for you. It doesn’t have to be a blog or even a journal. Find an outlet that works for you and go with it. Life is too short to waste years wandering aimlessly. Find you, and everything else will fall into place.
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