Untitled....

I’ll be the first to admit that this entry is strictly me thinking out loud. Another entry written out of my usual form yet something I felt I needed to say. Although most of my writings are for you, this one is for me....


Ever say the wrong thing to someone? The one thing that you know after you say it is there is no taking it back. There is no fixing it, no explaining it. It has been said and there is nothing you can do about it. Why do we do things like that to ourselves? As an escort, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes we forget our role we are expected to play out for all of you. This goes back to a few entries ago, making friendships within the business. When does the role of “escort” end and the role of “friend” come into play? How do you differentiate the two and know when it is appropriate to be either/or?

The one thing I love in this business is having others to share this experience with. People to talk to and relate to. To be able to share with others who understand and respect what I do. The one thing I hate in this business is the same thing that I love about this business. Sometimes the roles get crossed and things about the business may be said that can and will offend and hurt others. It just strengthens my wonder if friendships can be made from within. Maybe it should be kept strictly business. Maybe I have no right crossing those lines. Perhaps I should not toggle between the two. Perhaps I should not get too close in a way that I leave myself open to such situations, or to leave any of you open to such situations. Not get too close in a way that leaves me feeling like I do tonight.

My very first post to all of you on the review boards was that I take pleasure in making others happy. That is my gift to all of you, my gift to me as well. I have taken great pride in knowing that in some small way I have made an hour of your day a little brighter, two hours of your day a little brighter and for some every day a little brighter. That is my intent, my pleasure and my job. My job is not to involve myself with any of you in any other way. But I am human and at times I go against my better judgment in search of something more outside of Belle. Now I realize just how selfish that can sometimes be.

Is it possible that I can have amazing sex with you one day then talk about the weather the next day and not have you offended that I do not wish to discuss our encounter? It seems so simple to me but I do not see this world from your eyes. I can keep the two identities separate, I have to…but can you? Yes, I love sex and I love my job but just like any of you, when my job is done…it’s done. Is it wrong that I am not Belle all of the time? Is it wrong to ask of you to respect that?

When I first started out as an escort I had very clear lines. Nothing personal, my time always paid for and I gave nothing of myself personally. It was fun and it was simple. But I needed more, I wanted more. I never expected to meet people whom I would want to give anything more of myself to. For me to be confused by that is okay, but for you to be confused by that is not right. Just how am I to know what you expect of me if you do not tell me? Should I assume that when you strike up a conversation with me you are expecting Belle? Do I have a problem with that if that is what you are expecting? No, absolutely not. But I do have a problem with reading between the lines.

As Belle I try very hard to not assume I am anything but Belle to you. Some seem to get offended if I step outside of Belle, some get offended if I don't. I am good at many things, reading minds is not one of them. I don't play games. I try to be very honest and upfront about who I am and what I am willing to give. I wish some had the respect to do the same.

So in keeping this a short entry tonight just let me say that at any given time you happen to see me, either in person or online please tell me who the **** you’d like to talk to! It would make things so much easier for me. I will know what you expect from me this way and I can be sure not to cross the lines or disappoint you in any way. And to the one who inspired this blog entry, I apologize for being me.