Things to do in 2007

I know you would all like to think I am superficial, after all I am an escort…but I do have a few goals I would like to reach this year that don’t involve sex at all! So feel free to skip past this blog entry as it won’t be as interesting as my last top ten!

I am going to name this year the year of the Farfalle. A symbol of transformation which is really what I am hoping to make this year all about. While 2006 was a paramount year for me in terms of finding myself I am looking forward to this coming year where I can learn how to integrate Belle into my life. I have worked to keep the two lives so separate from one another but I have to wonder why.

Belle has provided me with memories I hope to never forget. I have never had so much fun nor felt so free since I have discovered her. I know I have talked so much of Belle and I like we are separate entities and just now have realized how silly that is. I was making excuses for wanting to experience all that I have. Perhaps I was feeling guilty or ashamed that for once I was doing things for me. If I passed that onus onto Belle I did not have to accept that a part of me was feeling trapped in life. I didn’t want to acknowledge that it’s time for me to risk a little bit of myself. I know what I need in life, I know what I want out of life and now it is just a matter of going after it all in a way that I still feel safe. That is my goal for 2007.

So, here is my list of “Things to Do” in 2007.

1) Build my back deck and fence. Ok, not much of a resolution, more like a chore I guess to some but there is a reason why this is so important to me. I need a deck and I need a fence. Not a want, but a need. I have no idea how to do this. This is a project that I need to do because I will have to ask for help. I have never asked for help, another sign of weakness to me. I am hoping this will be a start to accepting that while I may find a way to do things on my own, I don’t have to.

2) Drive on the highway. This one scares the hell out of me but I have to rid my life of so many restrictions. This one small thing is holding me back from so much and I know if I were to overcome this fear it will help me to have confidence in my ability to do the impossible. That when I am faced with something in life that seems intimidating I know I have it in me to get through it. We all need that reassurance, don’t we?

3) Submit a piece of my writing to a publisher of some sort. This is something I have always wanted to do. I love to write, it is the only way I know how to express myself and while I hope that changes this year I want to go after my dream.

4) Tell someone who I truly care about that I truly care about them. Sounds so simple but it rates right up there with “next to impossible” for me. I can write it, but I can’t say it. I lost 14 years of my life because I couldn’t say it, I’m not about to risk losing another 14.

5) Dream. It has always seemed so childish to me to lay in bed and dream of things that will likely never come to be. But what is the harm in reaching for the stars? I want to imagine myself being in places I will likely never travel doing things I will likely never have the neve to do. I figure if I dream hard enough I may just go after some of those things.

6) Let go. Let go of everything holding me back. I have let my past haunt me long enough and now I need to accept it for what it is and move on. I have been so hard on myself for things I have done and the person I used to be. I know I cannot move forward if I don’t let go.

7) Travel. Again, not to exotic places but places that will open my eyes to all the world has to offer. I have spent so much of my life looking at the world through my living room window. I know there is so much beyond that, now I am ready to see it.

8) Disney World…again! But it will be a different vacation as I want to do this with friends. I will be going later in the year with my children but I want to spend a few days there to be a kid myself. To run from ride to ride, meet all of my favorite characters and maybe even do a little shopping!

9) Let others in. I have been working on this through the end of 2006 but I know I have a long way to go. I shut down when I know there is someone standing at my door wanting in. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to share my life and my experiences with people close to me. They can’t get close if I don’t let them.

10) I want to feel butterflies……farfalles. I think this one speaks for itself.