Fears. We all have them. I don’t care who you are, we all have them. Heights, the dark, thrill rides, spiders and for me…….driving.
I have many fears, fire being one of them. I will never touch a spider nor a mouse. I fear I make the wrong choices as a parent, I fear my kids will make wrong choices as they grow up. I fear many things but driving is beyond a rational fear for me, it is a phobia.
Here is a look into the crazy neurotic side of Belle. It can seem that I am together at the best of times. But put me in a vehicle (especially the highway) and inside I become an emotional wreck.
I was in an accident in ’98. My newly leased van was a write off, I was sandwiched between two other vehicles. I was six months expecting, traveling with my 4 year old daughter and my mother. Luckily my mother only suffered a few broken ribs and my self a fractured sternum. My daughter not a scratch, thank God. I did not like driving prior to the accident, I despised driving after.
To tell you just how much I fear the roads let me tell you how it affects my everyday life. First, I only make right hand turns unless I am at a light. Sounds crazy I know but it’s true. If I am on a side road and no other cars are around, a left may be negotiable. I never reverse unless it is out of my driveway. If I park at Walmart or the grocery store I will find a parking space that I can drive straight through. Even if it is at the very far end of the parking lot, I will not reverse.
Parallel parking? I think I had to do it for my driving test, have never done it since. I will park 5 blocks away if I have to but I will never parallel park. Changing lanes is another no-no for me. I will always be sure to pull into the lane I need to be in immediately and will not change lanes with any other cars around me. Do you have any idea what an inconvenience that is when you’re driving? If I have to make a right turn but I am in the left hand lane I will wait until I get to a light, make a left and turn around so I can go straight to get to the street I needed to turn right on! Now how crazy is that? Here is another example, just last night…….
I had a wonderful 6pm appointment. It was a great day and all was well in the world. I walk out of the hotel being very relaxed, a wonderful smile upon my face. I was running late for this appointment and had to find a parking space quick. I seldom drive myself to appointments because of my fear but I had to go to work right after this one so I drove. I find the only parking space in the hotel lot that is open on a Saturday night. I will deal with the “having to reverse” thing when I leave. Now it is time to leave. Beside me is A Yukon, the other side a Navigator. Behind me is a Windstar. I drive a Transport and the turn radius is terrible. I stand behind my car, light a smoke and evaluate just how I am going to do this. Already my palms start to sweat and my heart races. I finish my smoke and get in the van. I pull out, turning the van to the left. No go so I pull back in. I pull out turning the van to the right. No go so I pull back in. I do this about 6 more times then park and light a smoke. It has now been 20 mins in the parking lot! I call my driver. I chuckle at myself, or my stupidity…not sure which. Cars around me are waiting for me to pull out, there are no spaces left in the lot. I am asked if I am leaving and I sheepishly say “I don’t think so, I may just walk”. My driver sends one of his buddies to unpark my van. Feeling rather embarrassed I thank him and be on my way only 45 minutes after the appointment had ended. But it doesn’t end there! I now realize that the parking lot exit has a coin operated pay booth! No change on me and 3 cars behind me so I can’t back up. The toll is $13.00 so I have to go inside. I get out of my car, lock it up and head to the lobby, the cars behind me surely aren’t impressed! 3 people in line at Front desk, I get a token to get out (front desk sees I am clearly stressed and gives me the token for free) and head back to my van. Cars still waiting and I finally pull out of the parking lot an hour after walking into the lot! I need to get a life!
I am the worst back seat driver but I really should be in the back seat! I have been known to take the wheel from the driver once or twice from a driver that I would be comfortable yelling at! Otherwise I sit and do not talk much. Every second I am in a car I feel like the very next second I will be hit, or hit someone. It is an excruciating fear at all times. My heart races, my palms sweat and at times I can’t even breathe. I have medication I take which brings me to highway driving.
I have never driven a highway and have come to accept that I likely never will. But being a passenger on a highway is much worse for me. I am sure you are thinking it can’t get any worse than my city driving but it does. Any trip on a highway longer than 20 minutes I have to take medication to help alleviate my anxiety. Needless to say I do not leave the city much. My driver knows and understands my fear very well. A trip to Fort Erie is back roads. Anything longer has to be something I force myself to do and must be for a great cause. I can count on both hands the amount of times I have allowed myself to get out of Niagara. 1) A trip to Toronto last December to see Disney on Ice. 2) Several trips to HSBC arena to see my Canadiens play in Buffalo. 3) A visit to Medina US to see Thomas the Tank. 4) Several appointments at McMaster in Hamilton. 5) A few trips to Chantham/Windsor to visit family. That’s it, and neither trips had I been the driver.
I have flown, taken the bus or the train to many places but I avoid the highway at all costs! I hope to someday be rid of this fear as I live with it every minute of ever day. I am not too sure what has driven my fear all this time. I can only summarize that it comes from my lack of trust for others. I know I am a good driver but I do not trust others around me. Maybe that would be a good start to rehabilitating myself, I am not too sure. Yes, I have tried the counseling route for many years. I always seem to get the textbook, “Ok, so just sit in your car in the driveway and familiarize yourself with the car for a week. Then spend a week just turning the car on and letting it run. Then another just driving up and down your driveway….” Blah, blah, blah. So, if any of you have actually overcome an irrational fear please feel free to let me know how you did it. Or, if you find yourself fighting a similar battle I’d love to hear about that too, just tell me I am not going crazy!
3 comments:
Hmmm, Well first, you could have called me, I was much closer to you than your driver... Oh, and I had a key to get you out of that parking lot. That would have at least alleviated Saturday nights stress...
OK next, get your butt out there, or have someone do this for you, and pick off some traffic cones at a construction site, maybe 8 of them. Get back into parrallel parking by setting them up against a curb. Practice until you get it. Then set them up like a very tight parking spot, and drive in a back out, practice, practice, practice. Both very non threatening methods. Once this is mastered you will feel you have some more control over the car.
Now here is the last item, got oa parking lot at night and set up 4 cones in a line about 6 parking spaces apart. Drive through the cones in an S fashion in and out of the cones faster and faster until you do it without hitting them and you are going as fast as your vehicle will tolerate. Once you feel comfortable, move them 1/2 space closer and continue until the cones are so damned close nobody can do this.
So far it has gotten my daughter through the fear of driving a car, and it saved be from many collisions during the permitting process. OK, she did hit a mailbox, but that is why I added this third thing...
As for the highway thing, I do like the demolishion derby idea. but I think the more practical solution is the cones. Try it. Next time I'm in the falls I will expect to see some progress young lady or we will spend our time together in a parking lot, with cones. I charge for these services you know. I am not a psychologist, but I would suspect that you are inappropriately listing your ailment as a phobia. You get into a car, you drive them, you have some odd driving habits, but in the end, I would bet dollars to a Timmy's that it is a fear and not so much a phobia. The good news is that fear is cured by doing and trying in order to overcome.
I overcame my shyness by getting out on stage in high school and college, I further overcmae my shyness and stage fright by doing public speaking. It is really a matter of comfort. and that comfort comes from the confidence you gain when you have the experience behind you.
Take your time. I'll be back in a month. Or less if I hear you are not doing your homework.
You express yourself well, Belle.
I don't know if this is a fear you can overcome but I believe you can make it lessen with practice and time.
I think a driving a minivan gives you less assurance as well, you need a safer car with fewer blindspots. I'd recommend a regular sedan or something smaller that is still a solid car.
Belle,
Totally my fault you were running late for your appointment!
Sorry to keep you so long!
I did have a wonderful time with you though ;)
Diana
xoxo
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