My first love

My first love. His name is Sandy and I truly thought I was going to marry him. He had thick black curly hair and a short stalky build. He made me laugh. That’s what I remember most about him, he made me laugh. My childhood wasn’t so great but not to my parent’s fault. They did their best by me but it was difficult none the less. But I had Sandy and he made things okay. We were kids then so it was a matter of holding hands at the park and a quick peck on the cheek every once in awhile. We didn’t know what we were doing then, we were only kids. I know now that we were being friends, learning a life experience that has carried me into my adulthood.

At nine, all I knew was that I would wake up and we’d walk to school together. Life was so simple then. I never questioned what he thought of me or where we would be a year from then. I just knew that each day he would be there. After school it was playing at the park. He would eat at my house, I would eat at his. His family took me on many day trips with them. We would head to Goldstream Park where streams of fish and lush forestry would go on for miles. We would hike up to the train tracks and tape a penny to the tracks. Before we left would retrieve our flattened pennies. It was simple fun.

Moving away from him, 5 years after we had met I experienced my first heartbreak. I was only 10 but I really hurt to know that our friendship was at an end. Sure, my parents told us we could write but it was the first time that Sandy would not be by my side. It is funny that those five years I had never analyzed our friendship. Kids just don’t do that sort of stuff. Relationships are formed, bonds are made and it is not complicated. To be a kid again!

So why is it that as we grow older we make things more complicated for ourselves? We like to assume that we mature as time goes by but really I think we know all that we need to at nine. No, not enough to hold a job or be a parent but just the basic principles of life. Then as we age we distort our knowledge. This “maturity” that we think we now have makes for many challenges in life. We have mastered the art of jealousy. We have created the need for control. We read into one another things that don’t exist. Instead of just accepting each other for who we are we try to change who we are. Sure, maturity is a sign of strength and interpersonal growth but in many ways it is a weakness.

I miss the days of innocence. The days when life was not complicated. The days when everything was so simple. I miss Sandy. I have seen him several times since I moved away. I hopped on a train when I was 14 and spent a week out west. I stayed a few days with him and his family. We went to Goldstream Park. And we put a penny on the tracks. I moved back out west when I was 18. And again we visited the park. We held hands and we kissed. Not that peck on the cheek that it used to be. We spent a lot of time together the few short months that I was there. He in a relationship, I was just getting to know my future husband at the time. But when we were together it was still so simple, uncomplicated. I know we will always share that special bond. As friends, childhood friends. He still calls me every birthday and I his, they are only 4 days apart. In my freezer is still a chocolate rose he gave me when I moved away. Our parents thought it was so cute. I still do.
I can’t stop the world but I can go back in my memories and visit a time that was less complicated. What a wonderful time that was.