Ok, here is the situation. As you all likely know, this business brought to me my first sexual experience with a woman. It was also my first experience with a threesome. I have written about these experiences and just how incredible they were for me.
I have wondered if those experiences would be so great if it were something I had encountered in my personal life. There are many advantages to being a “professional” when it comes to these sort of things. First of all you do not have the awkwardness that may be there otherwise. When being invited along for a duo call I am expected to act a certain way, do certain things. I am ok with that because I know what is expected of me. There is no “fear of the unknown” when I am visiting on a call. That allows me to relax and enjoy the experience.
Yes, the women I have had the pleasure of working with have been absolutely wonderful with me. They have been fun and playful and I have truly enjoyed myself. But did they like my company? Do they enjoy that sexual experience because they are getting paid to say that they do? I am sure you gents must ponder this question often, especially if you tend to visit with just a select few ladies. I am not experienced enough with women as of yet to know the difference.
Anyways, last night an opportunity presents itself. The gent…..a passionate sexual lover (self proclaimed) and the woman…a completely lesbian lover (I have yet to determine if she enjoys men but do not believe so). I was openly discussing fantasies, sexual ones of course. My fantasy may seem quite boring to some, especially considering the experiences I have shared with all of you. But it is my fantasy none the less. The woman was intrigued and very willingly offered to give me that fantasy. Funny thing is I had never imagined this fantasy to be played out by a woman. Now the gent has a fantasy of his own as he has yet to experience a ménage et trios. Now that I can certainly help him out with!
I know you all are likely wanting to hear this fantasy, I know how you yearn for details. I am sure it will be very disappointing as you will be expecting some amazing story of passion under the stars so I apologize for letting you down. Here it is:
We’re dressed up, quite formal but not evening gown attire. I picture myself in a one piece black pant suit, he is dressed in a relaxed fit suit and tie. (The tie is a must but not sure why). We are kissing in the middle of the room, the sweet aroma of a wonderful home cooked meal fills the room. Wine would be appropriate here but my drink of choice is a fuzzy navel. He is drinking a beer. Why? Because the smell of cognac turns my stomach! Anyways, back to the kissing. It is soft and passionate as we have longed for this moment. We are dressed for a night on the town but have no intentions of leaving this room. I have dressed for his eyes to admire as he has done the same for me.
He checks on our dinner that he has so tenderly prepared. I am still not too sure what dinner will be (I am a terrible cook) but he promises to satisfy my hunger. We retreat to the sofa. Some cuddling while soft music plays in the background. There is no rush tonight. I am at his mercy but a night like this is not to be rushed. We touch. We tease. We fondle. I speak of this often. I love to be teased, to build up to that wonderful moment. For me it is not about having many so-so orgasms but one amazing release. That is what this whole night is about. Through our clothes we grind against one another. I sit so close to him, his arm around me, my head against his side and we sit. I just want to enjoy this moment. The comfort and security that his arm around me gives. Dinner is ready and he leaves me to prepare our table. I lay back on the sofa, rest my head and close my eyes. I am relaxed and calm, so ready for tonight.
We eat a most delicious meal together. He feeds me, I feed him. We talk and we laugh, sharing our thoughts on life. I help him clear the table and we retire to the living area. We dance a very slow dance. I am not focusing on where my feet are (although I really should) but more so I am feeling the heat that we create. The feel of my cheek being pressed against his chest. I can hear his heart beat and his soft mumble of the tune we are swaying to.
We end up unclothed lying on the floor next to the fireplace. We have a chocolate fondue set up. I have never tried fondue before and it seems like the perfect moment to taste such sweetness. We have strawberries and bananas that again we feed to each other. The rest of the night just plays itself out. It’s not so much about the things we do next or how we do them. It is about the passion that I feel, the connection we have made. What makes this fantasy the perfect fantasy is the ending. I fall asleep in his arms.
So back to this opportunity I have been given. It is the fantasy plus one. Not only can I live out mine but I can give him his. This woman has taken quite an interest in me for some time and I am very curious what it would be like to be with her. Belle would jump at such an opportunity so why am I so reserved about it? Is it the fear of my two lives colliding? Maybe the reluctance is just that I am not sure what is expected of me, the fear of the unknown. It is odd to e as I try to convince myself that Belle and I really aren’t all that different in personality. We are, after all, the same person. But if this is so why do I have a hard time allowing myself these experiences in my personal life?
Now pondering this question 24 hrs later I think I may have figured it out. I learned something about myself since yesterday, something that my friends have been telling me for years but I just didn’t get it. My life has always been about others. Pleasing them and living up to their expectations. It sounds like a bad thing but really it isn’t. But there is a down side to all of that. In my quest for pleasing others I have somehow told myself that I do not deserve to be pleased. I know it sounds crazy but I have just always felt that it would be selfish to focus on the things I want in life.
By being Belle I have been able to justify my selfish needs. Yet at the same time I have told myself that it is Belle that can do these things and only Belle. Now I question myself. Is it really so wrong to want these things for myself, to accept the fact that Belle is me as I am her and that our needs are the same? Is it so wrong to let our worlds meet from time to time? Can that be done with the same sort of detachment that Belle has mastered? I thought that maybe by putting my thoughts out there that I would answer my own questions but it seems I am only creating more.
I wonder if any of you feel this conflict in your experiences as hobbiests. Do you act a different way or find that you are a different person within the hobby as opposed to your true nature outside of it? I am curious to hear your thoughts, please share!
No point really to this post as it was just what was on my mind, please excuse my ramblings! Stay tuned tomorrow when the rational Belle returns!
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