Wanted......

Wanted.

An attractive man but one who does not spend 10 minutes grooming himself to look better than me after hours of grooming. Must be manly but with a sensitive side. Meaning, he can cry during “City of Angels” but not when he stubbs his toe. He must tell me the things I want to hear if he really means it and never tell me when he doesn’t. I don’t expect him to promise me the world but a planet or two would be nice. He must love to drive and put up with me in the passenger seat while I yell at him to slow down…with a smile the entire time. He must keep country playing on the car radio and only listen to his favorite music in the garage where I will send him when he gets on my nerves. Likely twice daily.

He must love to cook and BBQ in the summer and never expect me to do either. He must be self sufficient and have a job that works around my schedule. He must know when to say nice comforting things yet also know when to shut the fuck up. He must not require a lot of effort to make happy and be confident enough to know I want him yet not over confident where he becomes an arrogant prick. Combs in the back pocket are a no-no. He must not snore, unless I fall asleep before he does. In fact, he must massage me to sleep every night before he even thinks of resting his weary eyes. Hey, this IS my ad you know!

He must enjoy long walks. Not at the beach necessarily but hikes through forests looking for Tupperware containers filled with other people’s junk. He must not fear anything but my wrath. Spiders and snakes must be his friends, friends that he never brings home. Heck even human friends he must never bring home unless I really like them and he plans on sharing our bed with them. He MUST love the Habs. He can have a hobby or two of his own, including escorts as long as he invites me and I approve of his pick of the litter.

He must never come home in a drunken stupor unless I have been with him the entire evening. If there is a night he doesn’t come home he must pick up his belongings at the curbside prior to 8am. He must not beg to have a dog, or any pet for that matter. If he wants to take care of something…..hell….that’s what I am here for! He must never be upset when I spend money and understand that he is not allowed to spend any because I spent it all. He must never come home without a Timmy’s for me. On hot summer days a Mint Chocolate Iced Cappuccino will suffice. He must give me sex when I want it and not ask for it when I don’t. He must not look at another woman unless I comment on how hot she is first. And lastly, he must be able to read my mind.

Apply within.