Family Reunion

Family Reunion
It’s a tradition in our family, as it is in many to hold a reunion every couple of years. New marriages, babies, little girls becoming young ladies, little boys becoming young men. And in our family it is all centered around my Great-Grandmother. My hero, my idol and my biggest supporter, I just love her so much. It so happens that this year’s family reunion falls on her 95th birthday this coming Saturday.
I’ve been to every reunion our family has held. It’s full of water games for the kids and a very competitive horseshoe game between the adults. Plenty to eat and even more to drink, we spend the entire day catching up on what’s been happening our lives. Our family is a big one and we have always been very close. I take my kids to my Grandmother’s to visit with her and my Great-Grandmother as often as possible and we are always spoiled with homemade cakes, pies and cookies washed down with a cold glass of milk.
My Great-Nana will spend hours telling stories about what is going on in the family. Her mind is healthier than the rest of our younger brood. She knows who is marrying who, the name of our third cousins new born, the towns in which each of our extended families have moved to. The mail that is delivered each day is full of cards and letters from friends whom she used to live next to when in Arizona 50+ years ago. She writes a letter every day, sometimes I am the lucky one to hear from her.
I named my baby after her and although the name means “Uncertain, bitter” it certainly does not hold true for either. I named my daughter after her because of everything my Great-Nana stands for in my life. She takes life in stride and rolls with the punches. She has been through the good and the bad in her lifetime but has never let the pitfalls bring her down. She gives that unconditional love we all yearn for. Truly an amazing woman, I am so blessed to have my children grow to know her and have her in their lives. So this reunion is extra special for me and my kids. It is another year to be thankful for the wonderful family that all began with my Great-Nana.
So why am I dreading it? Because our family just isn’t what it used to be. I could blame it on Belle but I refuse to. Because I think no matter how others perceive my life to have been as Belle, their judgment of me…who I am, should not be clouded by Belle’s activities. Something some people in my family cannot accept. My mother and sister became aware of Belle’s lifestyle just before Christmas last year. They made their disapproval quite apparent when they called the government agency to check on my kids. I haven’t spoken to them since. It gets a little more complicated than that and maybe someday I can explain it better but suffice to say that they considered me a bad mother because I chose to provide escort services for money. I won’t say I chose to be an escort because really, I don’t think that defines who someone is but something someone does. Looking at it from that perspective I don’t see how I have changed entirely as a person, that escorting had suddenly made me an unfit parent when for 14 years both my mother and my sister prided me for how well I have always taken care of my kids. I despise ignorance.
I haven’t discussed this issue with my Nana or my Great-Nana because even though I know they are aware of Belle…..they don’t care. They may be concerned for me and not fully understand, but they would never turn their backs on me. It’s that unconditional love we all yearn for. We don’t need to talk about it because it would never affect our relationship with each other. I still love them and they still love me.
But being at this upcoming family reunion I know there will be tension. I spent an hour on the phone last week with a cousin of mine. We seldom talk until family events like these and we need to work out the details. Why is it there is always someone who loves to gossip in every family? You know the ones. They are the first to spread the news that so and so have split up, Uncle Jimmy got fired cause of his drinking, Aunt Janet’s boy is in rehab……there is always one and my family is no exception. Well, I finally got the scoop. Of course, without surprise it was all about me. Yes, my entire family knows about Belle. I was the talk of the family at the Christmas dinner I missed out on last year, and the conversation still seems to flow as freshly now as it did then. And this is what I have to face when I show up on Saturday with a gift for my Great-Nana and 4 kids in tow.
It’s not supposed to be like this, you know? It is so frustrating because I want to scream to the world about just how good I feel about my life and all of the good things Belle has brought to my life but I know I would never be understood. To “them” I am just another street walker lowering myself to the sexual demands of a lower class society to make a quick buck. “It’s not like that” I want to say but I know it would fall on deaf ears.
The funny thing is, I still don’t regret it….even with everything I have lost, I have still gained so much more. I know you say “family is everything” and it is, I am with you on that thought. But family should be above this sort of thing. My brother is a drunk and a drug addict. I love him and will support him when he needs me. I don’t have to approve of his lifestyle. That is what family is about.
So I thought about Saturday and just how I should play it all out. I could show up with my head held high, smile and pretend that everything is okay. I could swim with the kids and sit next to my Great-Nana listening to her tell stories of who is who. Maybe even play a game or two of horse shoes….or I could…..

Show up with the 6inch thigh high heeled boots, leather mini skirt and leopard print tank top and bright red lipstick. I have even contemplated how the conversation would go with my cousin when I first arrive. Talk about phoney people looking for good gossip, she is one of them. Just which personality I should play is the question:

Cousin: Why are you late? Kids slowing you down lately or what?
Belle: Sorry, I had a 3 hr at the KW and had to run home and wash the dribble off my face. Then I had to take the condoms and PR out of my purse to make room for the birthday card. Got here as quick as I could.
Me: Yeah, little Johhny had a scrape and couldn’t find a band-aid. What a great set-up, looks like you’ve been busy!
Cousin: Yeah, well anything for Great-Nana. Wait till you see the beautiful gift I made for her, she’ll love it!
Belle: I’ve been so busy with John’s the past week I didn’t have time to make anything but I stopped in at the liquidation place on the corner where I stand every night and picked her up a foot massager. Only cost me a BJ, and you know me, love a bargain!
Me: How thoughtful of you, Nana loves gifts from the heart. With work and kids I wished I had the time for that but the kids did make her a beautiful card and we picked some flowers for her out in the yard this morning. So, how has the Hubby been?
Cousin: Never see him, he’s been working so hard to pay off the new car but as long as he’s bringing home the money I won’t complain! How about you and…..oh, sorry. How are the kids with all of that anyways?
Belle: I dunno, they seem ok but I never ask them. Hard enough dealing with feeding them let alone dealing with their feelings and shit. FACS says they are ok so I guess they must be. I still have em, for now anyways. Wow, look at Jenny’s new beau. He looks rich, excuse me while I go introduce my services……
Me: They are doing great thanks. Getting big, enjoying the summer and dreading going back to school. Is that Jenny’s new husband? She looks so happy with him! Excuse me while I go introduce my serv…….myself.

Oh the fun I could have! But alas, for the sake of my kids and the family that I do respect I will behave…but boy do I miss Belle! Wish me luck, I’ll let you know how it goes