I will admit to not having read any of the "50 Shades" trilogy but I did see the first two movies that have been released. The first really piqued my curiosity as I had always been interested in the BDSM lifestyle but lacked any understanding of those type of relationships. And from what I have learned in that time since seeing the first movie I also know that 50 Shades may not be the most accurate depiction either. But it was enough for me to want to know more, to research the lifestyle in my local community; immerse myself in it and make a decision based on my personal experience and not that of some glamourized concept by Hollywood.
Sexuality is a beautiful thing and exploring it, pushing your boundaries while keeping an open mind only intensifies not only your relationship with your partner but also your relationship with yourself. The thought of a woman being hit by a man strikes a chord with most everyone, myself included. And giving power to a man to do as he wishes sexually strikes the very same chord. What I have always struggled with is how can I be so turned on yet utterly disgusted by the thought?
Five months ago a conversation broke out with a male friend. The same male friend I have been writing about since my hiatus. We had danced around the subject of bdsm before but this conversation we delved a little deeper into our own dark desires, both I think a little shocked at the others' confessions. While we have known eachother for so many years and always pictured the other in a most respectful way we never imagined these kinks within the other.
It was the most real I had ever been with a man...or with myself about my sexuality. But I trusted him enough to lay myself bare. It felt so good to just say, "This is who I am, this is what I would like to try". I am a grown woman and if not now then when? We had many conversations, joined several social media groups dedicated to the lifestyle and even visited a local sex shop to speak with the counterperson who just so happened to be in a bdsm relationship and was pretty connected in those circles within the community. We learned a lot.
More and more I became aware of my submissive tendancies and gained an understanding of why I yearn to be a part of something I always thought immoral. And, just like escorting I became aware that my disgust was half part misunderstanding and half part society and the social standards we are all raised by. I soon began to accept my kinks and instead of repressing them I chose to explore them.
I will continue to write a 50 shades series as I break down my experiences and share with you my personal journey in the bdsm lifestyle. I just need it to be said, as I have struggled about sharing my experiences that this in no way denotes any changes in the services I provide as Belle. These experiences, interests, curiosities etc. are solely related to my personal life and I in no way intend on offering any such services as Belle.