Saturday, December 02, 2006

I am not a bad girl.....really!

Is it wrong to want things that others may consider improper or dirty? To fantasize about things good girls should never think of? Men dream of two women, something that is quite often realized in this business. What about a woman wanting to be with two men? Most shun at the thought that a woman would find herself excited by that. What about 3 men? Now that’s just sleezy, right? Why is society so quick to accept a man’s sexual desires yet a woman is not entitled have them?

We are in a new generation of equality. Equality in the workforce was a huge breakthrough for the woman’s movement. Women can vote, even hold office. Women can be judges, police officers and firefighters. But women are still stigmatized when it comes to sexual preferences. Yes, lesbians are “out” now which also allows for a greater acceptance for 2 women to be with a man. But we have yet to cross the line with accepting that a woman may fantasize about the pleasure to be experienced when being pleased by multiple men.

Am I dirty because I want to kiss a man and at the same time have another feel just how wet that kiss makes me? I don’t think that should make me a disgraceful part of society but a highly sexual woman who craves new sexual experiences. I am very aware of my body, I know what I like. I think that threatens a lot of women. I will ask for what I enjoy just as I would hope the same from my partner or partners. Sex for me is so much an intellectual journey. It’s in the mind, created through imagination and its’ erotica is so much more heightened when you tap into it. Yes, it is expressed in a physical manner but for me it’s all in letting my mind take me to another place.

I would like to be in a situation where men are wanting me to please them, wanting for me to touch them, to arouse them. Multiple women, multiple men in an environment that is safe to let go of inhibitions. The type of scene where nakedness surrounds me. Not wild and crazy sex but purely passionate exploring, taunting and pleasing. It goes back to my belief that sex is to be shared, admired and respected. Yes, it is wonderful for a man and a woman to make love. It sounds so romantic to say “we just made love”. But making love sounds so personal and intimate. When you say “we just had sex” it sounds so cold and empty. To say “we just had a gang bang” sounds dirty and crude. I want touch, I want lips pressed against mine. I want to totally lose myself in the experience. I want to make them want me, that urge so strong. Their desire my pleasure. Is that so wrong?

I want to pour wine down a man’s chest and taste his sweat mixed within it. I want to grasp on to him and feel his lust for me. I want a woman there to watch us, another man to fondle my nipples. I want to kiss her as I feel them pressed against me. I want to watch him taste her as I bring her nipples to erection. I want him to help me taste myself. To slide his fingers through my thighs and bring them to my lips. We taste together. It’s not crude, it’s not dirty. It’s simply sexual exploration. It’s my ultimate journey, my ultimate destination. I own it, it is mine.

I am young and I am single but I am mature and true to myself. I am at a time in my life that I need to discover me. I need to never look back and wish I had learned to live. I am living now, exploring the world and the people within it. It’s about new experiences, branching out and becoming aware of the beauty and passion we all have hidden somewhere. I want to share it, flaunt it and be close to it. Again, it’s not dirty and it’s not wrong. It’s my fantasy. Someday,……..someday I hope to be a part of it, to feel what it would be like. The music playing, friends sharing drinks and slowly undressing one another. A room full of sexual energy. I know I will, I am sure of that. After all, I have played out each of my fantasies so far!

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