The kiss is everything. In a relationship the kiss is the biggest form of communication. It can say, "Good morning", "Good night", "I love you", "It will be okay", "I'm here", "I'm sorry", "I want you".. Without the kiss it's just words and you know what little faith I have in words.
He first kissed me in a parking lot of the hotel I chose to meet at. The hotel that we would become naked and unreserved in, using it to explore our sexual desires. If it were possible to orgasm from just one kiss, I would have right there. You can't explain chemistry like that on paper. If I did have any fears or concerns going in, they left me with that first kiss. Never have I anticipated sex with such a hunger, such intense need as I did last night. And his kiss...if he could do that to me with just his kiss..
There is something to be said for anticipation and this very moment, standing before the man I have lusted over for so many years, who has been the object of my borderline obsession, the anticipation was unbearable. I was about to make him mine. Not mine for life, not mine for a year or for month but mine for just this night. Just one night.
For forbidden desires to be fulfilled I felt a need to open up the dialogue. We couldn't go into this like blind fools. That's how I know it wasn't just Belle there last night. I had to be responsible, we both did and be upfront with what was about to happen. Without this conversation we would leave the possibility of regret and if we were going to explore ourselves sexually, I was leaving no room for that. Perhaps it was in that moment that I fell. Our talk was candid, open and honest. To some, the dialogue would have killed the mood but it just made me want him even more. I saw something so sincere in him, I could sense his desire, his fear, his need for what was about to happen.
He reached out for my body and his touch, the heat from his hand somehow sent chills through me. Think about that for a second. His heat sent chills through me. He had me frozen in that moment, that moment that I wanted to last forever. I didn't want to forget how I felt right then, naked and vulnerable in front of him. It was all so wrong but it felt so damn right. He had the power to make me feel so powerless, wanting more of him, all of him. That is anticipation.