Documentary Filming

I have to say that filming this documentary was a bit intimidating as I had no idea what to expect. I was excited to share my story yet feared the consequences of doing so. I will explain in a little more detail why I let the excitement override the fear. Many of you have asked how I could risk everything in my life for the sake of 15 minutes of fame. I don’t see it that way, perhaps I should.

I decided last minute not to film in my home. I know, many thought it was a bad idea to start with but that is not why I opted against. A few things were sprung at me the day or two prior to filming that made using my home impossible, my kitchen renovations being part of that. So, I booked a room for two nights at my favorite hotel and called Carolyn, the co-producer and asked that we move locations. Not a problem she assured me, and we were set.

I was heading out of the room, about to grab a quick cigarette to calm my nerves when I ran into the co-producer Carolyn Schmidt walking towards our hotel room door. She greeted me with a smile and a friendly hug as we walked into the room to await the crew with their equipment. Not being comfortable with idle chit chat until I took in some nicotine, I excused myself for some fresh air while Carolyn scanned the room for an idea of how to set things up. That’s when the butterflies hit. I had felt pretty calm up to this point. I suppose keeping myself so busy prior to filming didn’t leave much time for freaking out. I was making up for it now.
I stood outside the back door entrance to the hotel while I watched the crew unload their van, chuckling somewhat at the fact that I knew who they were yet to them I was just some woman out in the rain giving way to her filthy habit. I mistook the audio controller for the producer, apologized, then introduced myself to the real producer Mr. Duncan. We chatted for the next few minutes while I puffed the last of my butt and we headed for the room.

Inside, the crew were taking apart beds, positioning lights and adjusting the cameras. It was an awkward feeling to know this work was being done for me and the story I was about to tell. Don’t get me wrong, it was exciting to be a part of, just a little intimidating. I am used to giving what is expected of me but for once I found myself unsure of what was expected.
Mr. Duncan invited me to the lounge for a coffee while the team finished up so we spent that time talking about his experience in the business, his travels and his work. It was quite amazing to learn of his life and his view of the film business. The crew was ready so we headed up to the room. A table area was set up with flowers that I had brought with me, a gift from a good friend. Tropical “Birds of Paradise” in bright orange blooms contrasted with the most beautiful pink roses. A perfect touch that complimented the background quite nicely I thought.

I sat in the hot seat and was fitted with the Mardi Gras mask I had brought with me. Anonymity was key but I preferred to do it in a playful way as we felt that shadowing or pixelling would appear seedy and untrustworthy; an image I did not want to portray. I was explained the process, prepped on where to keep my eyes and to just talk as though there were no cameras, no lights and no film crew tuning in on my every word. I thought it would be easier said than done but once the conversation got flowing it really did seem quite natural. Eventually the camera disappeared, the lights dimmed and it felt like I was talking to an old friend.

As for the questions that were directed at me, they weren’t things I had to think about. They were all about my blogs, my views on the industry and the way I choose to run my business. There were a few challenging questions that I hadn’t ever given much thought to but I think I was true to myself in my answers. That is all I wanted to do. Be honest, be real and tell society that we’re really not bad people. Escorting is not dirty. It is not seedy and in my opinion it is not immoral. I am proud of what I do and I think I made that point quite clear.
We discussed how I made the decision to escort as well as my first date. That one was difficult for me as I did not want to talk about the negative side to what I do but I suppose it’s not a true picture if we did not address both sides of the coin. I was asked about my clients, who are they and what their story is. Not anyone in particular but simply as a whole, the type of clients that choose to see me.

Next we moved on to a few blog entries, making it obvious that they had done their homework. The blogs they were most interested in was “Choice, not circumstance”, “GFE/Emotion”, “What am I worth?”, “Exploiting to succeed”, “Society and sex” and “Why escorting?”. I won’t go into where these discussions led as I’m sure if you have read my blog you know the opinions I have about these aspects of the business.

We spent some time elaborating on other issues that actually gave me some great blog ideas. The friendships I have made, how I would handle my daughter expressing her decision to escort and what I plan to do with my life when Belle decides to retire. I had expected to leave the filming crew having answered all of their questions but I did not expect to leave with questions I didn’t have the answer to. It just proved to me that I still have a lot of things to learn yet. Not about escorting, but about me and my life. Questions are good, without them I would have all the answers. Having all the answers would make my journey complete and I’m not so sure I’m ready for that quite yet.

When I walked out of that interview I felt proud. I hope I do not sound arrogant in saying so. Aside from knowing I am a wonderful mother to my children, I have not felt that sense of pride in myself. I have come along way since I first posted to the review boards introducing myself 20 months ago. I have opened my eyes to what the world has to offer me. I am learning to understand the need to let people in and I am giving myself the ok to be selfish at times, to do what I need to do for me to be happy.

It doesn’t matter to me what happens from here as far as the documentary goes. They may air it, they may not. They may edit 99% of the rambling I did. I may be outted and lose my job. I may be recognized from time to time when I am out and about. Again, I don’t fear that. I am trusting my inner sense that there is something out there waiting for me. Something bigger and better than I had ever imagined. I hope it is to realize my dream to write but whatever it is I early anticipate it.

Or…my life will fall apart and I will find myself living in my van down by the river humming the song “I’ve had my moments”. If that is to be the case then I hope I don’t run into someone as cold as me who refuses to reach into their pockets for spare change. Either way, I know I’ll be smiling, that’s more than what most can say about their lives.

The documentary will be airing on CTV primetime in about six months. I will leave the link to DocTV below for anyone interested in their previous work or to learn more about Co-Producer Carolyn Schmidt and Producer Robert (Bob) Duncan.

[url]www.doctv.com[/url]