I know, it's a lot of effort for some to view my blog. First registering, then confirming the email and so forth. I know it's a real pain in the ass and I really didn't want to have it this way but I had no other choice. Why? Here goes:
When I first started using the review boards, I realized quickly what a great tool they were to openly discuss the business. Not just the act of sex but everything that comes with the encounter itself. Even more so, I realized just how much people wanted an outlet to discuss their thoughts as well. Over the first year of escorting I would spend alot of my time posting about my experiences, how I related to them and just what I got back from the business. This communication soon led to the start of my blog.
I needed to feel open and be honest about what the industry is like, from an Sp's perspective. I was always being asked about why I chose to do what I do, what the protocols are and basically my thoughts on most everything an SP would encounter. My blog began with the thoughts of having an open place to discuss these things. People wanted my opinion, I needed someone to care about what I thought. From there my blog grew into something even more personal.
A year later and I was opening up the other side of Belle. My life. Being a mother, holding another full-time job, my vacations, my life....it all soon became a part of my blog. I didn't intend for it to be that way, but through its natural course that is what it had become. Then, others started sharing their lives too. Their fears, their insecurities, their desires, their thoughts and opinions. It soon became a conversation. Not me, talking to you but us, sharing our lives. You accepted me for my decisions in life, you praised me for the hard times I have oversome and picked me up when times had me down. My blog has been here for me, to have a place to go when I feel no one is there to listen. I write here and I know I will be heard, if even by one set of ears. Most of you have no idea who I am but Belle. I like that anonymity. I can write what I feel and you are here to listen.
Unfortunately, some found their way to my blog that didn't want to hear what I had to say. If they were people I didn't know, whose opinions didn't matter to me it would have been okay. Unfortunately it was family and for the past 2 months have made things a little difficult for me. I felt railroaded, finding myself being questioned about Belle and the things I/She has written here. I missed the anonymity. You never judged me by the things I write. They are as they are, words floating about this cyberworld being written from someone about as lost as any other soul trying to find their way. Before long it was demeaning emails and hurtful insults. I hid, because I felt I had to hide. I stopped posting. I stopped escorting. I stopped the emails. I stopped smiling.
It wasn't long before I began feeling alone. I don't get close to people, even when I know peope are there for me. I don't open up to others, hell....I don't even open up to myself! I have never allowed myself to question life. Who am I? Where do I want to be in life? What are my goals? My blog has evolved into a place for me to contemplate life, to open up and feel safe doing so. I've never had that and I really missed not having that the past few months.
So, that being said, here I am. I decided I am not going to hide anymore. This is me. I'm not always nice nor am I always going to say things that everyone wants to hear. But my blog isn't for them, or even you. It is for me. Thanks for hanging around, keeping the posts going, coming back from time to time to see what's up and taking the time to register and log-in to view my blog. I know these features won't stop those I don't want coming around from coming around but by having to register an email adress I am hoping it will make them think twice. Thanks again.
Belle
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