There are some aspects of escorting I feel safe talking with all of you about. The positives, of course. I know it sounds so cliche but I thrived on the attention, the compliments and the rush of feeling wanted by a man. Of course, I enjoyed the money as well but that goes without saying. But the negative, the down side isn't so fun to write about. Yet it is what it is. Ponder this:
I had spent much of my "off" time emailing back and forth with potential clients before actually meeting with them. I wanted to be sure that I could provide the experience that they were looking for and would be completely honest with them if I felt they would be disappointed in my services. First, I would cover the physical things. My small breasts and slighlty larger than average thighs and waist. It would be humiliating for me to arrive at a door and be turned away because my image was not as expected. Next would be services. "No, I do not provide dom/sub/fetish/roleplay" etc. It is not to say I have an issue with those services, they are just something I had chosen not to provide. If that is what a potential client was looking for I would offer to suggest a lady that may be able to help. I think by doing this I built up a certain amount of credibility in the industry. I was honest, even if I did not have anything to gain financially by that honesty. The money was nice, but my reputation meant more.
So, by doing the above I had seldom experienced a "call" that made me uncomfortable. In the two years I had escorted, only on three occasions was I put in an unassuming situation. All three times were calls through the agency. Their screening process, not mine. Still, three was three too many. Aside from those three visits, I left each and every appointment feeling satisfied. Perhaps not sexually, but I was not being paid to "get off" myself. I was being paid to be something, an illusion, a fantasy, a companion....an escort. I was to give these men passion, something that for many clients had become something they lacked in their personal lives. Intimacy, the soft caress of a woman, the passionate kiss that took them to another place. A place where ther were no deadlines, no expectations, no pressures. Just that moment. That was what I was paid to do. So, that being said, I should feel good about giving my clients what they paid me for, no? Not always.
The one-timers, the clients that had visited me for an hour and then I never saw again, for them this is not an issue. For the regular clients, the repeaters, the ones that chose to see me on several occasions I quite often battled with my own guilt. Many of these men are lonely. Married or not, they, like me became attached to the fantasy. The intimacy soon becomes real, somewhere crossing over from that fastasy. For me I can honestly say I have never viewed any client as anything more that what it is. I have never envisioned myself forming a personal sexual relationship with any client. But I know it is different for most of the men I had met. I had rules. My time must be paid for. At no time would I visit with a client and not be paid for that time. I never offered multiple rates, discounts on late-night visits or "frequent f***" points for repeat clients. My rate was not to be bargained for. Whether it be dinner, a movie or time spent naked on a bed....my rate was my rate. It made things less complicated as I despised having to discuss the impersonal monetary transaction.
On the reverse side, some clients would ask for more. There was nothing more frustrating in the escorting business than being asked out for dinner and me having to remind the clients that the usual rate would apply. I made the mistake once, accepting a four hour "dinner" appointment then at the end of the evening being paid less that my usual one hour rate. Sure I could have caused a scene but the reality was that it was not dicussed prior to the "date". That was my mistake and even though I assumed it was obvious I expected to be paid for the four hours, he on the other hand thought I was there simply because I enjoyed his company.
Now, before you jump all over me for this let me say that I have made some very true and dear personal friendships from clients I met through this business. Some of them have been clients, others I have met at events but had never been paid to befriend them. And these few friends, I go for coffee with, sometimes meet for dinners, even head out to a hockey game with once in a while. I am not a cold-hearted bitch who simply uses people for money. But in saying that, I am a business woman who ( in my own opinion) ran a viable business and was well paid for doing so. Bottom line, it is a business. If I had begun visiting with my regular clients on my own time I would have lost a big portion of my income. Some clients, after seeing me regularly for quite some time, chose to stop seeing me because they were becoming too personally involved. And there were some clients I decided to no longer "date" because I could see they were ( again, in my opinion) too emotionally involved.
One thing I had always wondered though, was if these clients have ever felt they were being taken advantage of. I tried to dance around this issue any time a client ever brought it up. Yes, the reality is that I am here, naked in a room with you, because you are paying me to do so. But what makes a good escort (among other things) is the ability to not have the encounter feel like a cold business transaction. Some of that ability, to some degree, requires being able to put on a good front. But to do so, hour after hour for any extended period of time must involve a certain amount of sincerity. I would never ask a client to borrow money, nor would I ever discuss my finacial situation. I never wanted a client to feel that I looked at him as my personal ATM, quite honestly because I never thought of them that way. But.....I did always expect to be paid for the time I spent with them.
With the table turned I suppose I could pose this question to other service providers in the industry. Do any of you feel you are being used for sex? Sounds like a silly question....of course we are. But I was seldom ever made to feel that way by a client. I have always felt comfortable to do what I was comfortable with and stand up for the things I was not. And I found that my clients respected my decisions. I never felt forced to engage in any activity (aside from the odd "non-condom" users I would walk out on) that I was not a willing participant of. That is the difference between the fantasy life of an escort and the reality of marriage.
Married 14 years. I am sure some of you can relate to this. Perhaps I am speaking to the wrong population as I am sure a high percentage of my readers are male, but I will carry on with my point anyways. Why is it that I can sleep with multiple strangers and not feel any pressure to perform in a certain manner yet in my marriage sex was a duty? Many times I would send out the clear message that I wasn't feeling well or just simpy not interested yet when I would roll over in the opposite direction it was just taken as an invitation to help one's self? The times that I would just lay there thinking, "Is he for real?" or "Don't try to romanticize it, I'm not going to get off so would you already!" It had come to the point that I despised sex. I would refuse it just to piss him off, yet it never stopped him. He was not agressive, nor did I ever become so. It was just a duty. Sad that I felt that way with my husband and not with my clients. Don't get me wrong, there were times, few and far between that I was just horny and wanted sex....but it was never met with any hesitation on his part. Not surprising, I know.
So, has a service provider ever made you feel she is using you for money? Do you ever feel you are being used by your partner for sex? Is it wrong to feel that way or is it just how life is and we must put up with it? I know, long winded but I'm a little under the weather tonight and couldnt sleep. Any thoughts?
No comments:
Post a Comment