Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Friendships come and go

I have a theory about the friends you meet in a lifetime. I can’t back this up with anything educational, biblical or factual. It is just a theory. I am not sure where or how I formed this line of thinking but it just seems I always have.

Think of all the friendships you have made in a lifetime. That 4 yr old next door neighbor that you played with a few years before his family moved away. The 8 yr old that you played soccer with every summer for five years. Your “best” friend from grades Kindergarten through eight. Your high school dating scene, the many that came and went. Your college buddies and their buddies. Then you have your neighbors you met when you first lived on your own, coworkers that you started having over for dinners or the big game. Just think of the many friendships that have come and gone, and the ones that are still around.

I believe that these people we meet and form bonds with are not just by chance. Ok, I know you’re thinking “Here goes a woman, about to ramble on about fate and destiny!” Just hear me out. Fate and destiny, I am not so sure but I do believe that these people were meant to be brought into our lives for a reason. Perhaps they are to help us through a difficult time in our lives, perhaps to share amazing memories with or just to make us laugh when all we want to do is cry.

As I look back on my past and present friendships I would wonder how or why things ended when as they did. I have realized that each and every one can be accounted for making a difference in my life, even if in a small way.

Eight years old and I have a best friend Dana. A little on the wild side but she was always good to me. We would dance to Bruce Springsteen (OMG am I ever showing my age here!) in her living room every time I spent the night. (Sorry but no great sexual stories to tell here, we were only 8!). We were very good friends for several years until my family moved from the west to Ontario. I was devastated. Both her and I were going through some very trying times and we relied on each other so much.

After coming to Ontario we stayed in touch but only for a few months. About 4 years after being here I receive a call from authorities out west. They need my help in remembering details of a situation my dear friend had confided in me about so many years before. It was help of my testimony that she was able to start a new life. Again though, we had lost touch. At 18, I truly needed her help. I was in a bad scene here. Drugs were a big part of my life then and I wanted to clean myself up. I flew out west and looked her up when I arrived. She took me in, helped me find a job and enroll in school. She was able to help me start a new life. I have not talked to her since moving back to Ontario just a few short months after.

Then there was Chantelle. I had met her in Grade 6, my first year of school in Ontario. We were best friends all through Jr. High. She was my first “female” experience. We were only kids but it was then that I first started toying with sexuality and discovering my interest for girls. Need I say more about how this friendship affected my life? I have not talked to her since grade 9.
Then there was a group of friends. Paula, Harley, Aaron. Dancers, druggies and all had kids. I babysat for each of them and was paid cocaine in return. It became a very severe habit from 16-18. I was in a lot of trouble and really messed up, trying to find myself I suppose. But through them I learned who I didn’t want to be. It was a tough battle to get off coke and I grew up a lot. At the time I thought we had a real great friendship, looking back I just see that it was meant to be. They needed to be in my life right then. It hurt to leave them when I did but their purpose in my life was served. I thank them for being there for me to teach me the lessons I needed to learn about life.

Then Dave. A very good friend for many years. I met him at 15, he 18 yrs my elder, I rented out his basement apartment. I was battling depression, he was battling Agoraphobia. He had not left his house in 23 years! We formed the closest bond I think I have ever had with someone. He listened to me cry all hours of the night, he held me, he taught me about love and passion. He understood me. No one had ever understood me before. He always, and I mean always made me feel good about myself, my life. I was getting into drugs and my life was crazy when I was away from the house but when together he really tried to help me get things straight.

I had overdosed one night. It wasn’t intentional but just an “I need to sleep for a very long time” thing, went to bed after taking many pills. He woke me up at 2 the next afternoon and I couldn’t hear anything, nor could I feel anything from my waist down. He called an ambulance. I returned home about 2 months later, in a wheel chair. He helped me get my shit together. Eight months of helping me with therapy, he got me walking again and able to start living a healthy life.

I moved out at 18, when I then flew out west to start my life over. We wrote back and forth the short time I was there and stayed good friends when I returned. He would always laugh at women and say “If I were a woman I’d be a millionaire!” He found it insulting for women to “give it away for free” and not charge a dime. He never did get to see me become an escort. He passed away in ’99. A mild heart attack at home but his fear of leaving his home was greater than his fear of dying. I’d say that I still need him in my life but no, I think his purpose was met. Although I do miss him terribly. He helped get me on my feet and he is the only one in my personal life that I knew would be very proud of me for what I do. I find peace in that.

(That last part gave me a good cry, I think I needed that!)

A lot of friendships had ended not so well. There was Mary who I was so close with but only for a very short time. Our kids played together, bbq’s every weekend, sleep overs, she was my bride’s maid when I married. Her husband passed away in ’99 as well and she went crazy. Drugs, drinking, men….all of the things she never did when he was alive. I took care of her 2 kids for a year while she got out of her system what she needed to. She woke up and got her shit together. One bad fight shortly thereafter and I have never talked to her since. I think I served my purpose there and was meant to move on.

I could go on and on but I think I have made my point. I always try to get the best out of every person I ever meet. Someone I pass on the street may need to feel my smile that day. Someone who sits next to me at the coffee shop may need a friend. You never know why someone is brought into your life when you meet them. Be approachable and friendly, you may need them someday!

No comments: